|1||Tue May 14||6:00 PM||Hazel Park||Cubs||L||11||0|
Nationals Spare Cubs From Humiliation
1 2 3 4 5 6 7 R H E
It was the Nationals, being the nice guys on opening day, handing a gift to the Cubs. Outfielder Ben Gooch quoted "'Dem Cubs is a buncha swell palooks. You wouldn't wantsta put a hurtin' on dem...dey'd just feel bad."
Star player of the game was Chris Godley, the Cubs' starting pitcher. No-hitter through 5 and 11 strikeouts including 5 in a row. Unfortunately, Chris was the target of a most brutal wedgie after the 6th inning, and had to leave the game. We heard later he was in agony, until he ran to the concession stand and got a stick of butter.
Errors were the grim reality, tarnishing the Nationals' pitching performances. Only 1 of the 11 Cubs runs were earned. The most agonizing victim was Joey Lawnicki. Forced to labor through 7 of the 10 unearned runs, Joey decided to join the Hare Krishna movement and take tambourine lessons.
Joey also broke up the no-hitter, followed by David Werk's sharp single up the middle in the bottom of the 6th. David and Joey stayed after the game about an hour rolling down the hill and putting dandelions in their hair.
Ian McWilliams was the Nationals starting pitcher and stood toe-to-toe with Godley. After a lazy fly ball that could be scored a hit or error (depending on if you heard the "I got it, you take it" part), Ian allowed 1 hit and no walks in 3 innings. Ian almost didn't play tonight. He had a nightmare that he was the monster in a hentai movie, but fell asleep outside in the afternoon and sunburned all his tentacles.
Adam O'Brien had the strangest inning pitched we've seen in some time. Abandoning the fastball, he stuck to all off-speed pitches. It was quite effective as he racked up a huge number of swing and misses. Gavin, from the Cubs had struck out. The ball hit dirt before being caught and bounded away. Gavin narrowly beat the throw from C to 1B. A wild pitch moved him to second, and an error on the play advanced him to third. Finally, a sacrifice fly scored him, for a run scored - without a hit. 00 O'Brien also drank twice as many beers as anyone else after the game. "I'm on an all-barley diet, so it makes perfect sense," he adds.
Jimmy Cuthrell, manning the #13 spot in the order, was the Cubs' top performer at bat. Jimmy scored a run in his first two at-bats, then drove in a run in his 3rd trip to the dish. On the way to the game, he hit all green lights. This morning, Jimmy took a dump BEFORE his first coffee. After the game, he was mistaken for Evan Stone and whisked away in a limousine full of starlets. We decided NOT to inform the authorities.
|2||Thu May 16||8:15 PM||Bicentennial Park||Brewers||L||10||4|
New Low Price, For a Limited Time Only
1 2 3 4 5 6 7 R H E
The Nationals defense improved measurably since the opener. More good play and fewer miscues. No traffic going home. Unemployment is low. Optimism is at an all-time high, but is going to be even higher tomorrow.
The first great play of the game was turned in by the Brewers' CF, Evan Morin - taking a sure double away from Ian McWilliams.
Micah Cawthorne was chomping at the bit to get on the mound. Micah tossed 4 solid innings biding his time until the D came around. Micah became the 3rd Nationals pitcher to throw a scoreless inning. He also became the 3rd Nationals pitcher to discover his sliding shorts had been starched.
Kevin Moore came in to relieve, and had an awesome inning. 1-2-3, striking out the first two batters he faced. He also ripped a 2-RBI double late in the game. "My Ma always says 'get a 2-RBI double late in the game' and over the years, it's sunk in."
Ben Gooch had the most solid day at the plate, netting a hit and a walk in his 2 trips to the plate. Gooch also had the Nationals' first RBI of the year. Sarah Ann, Ben's manager and agent, quipped "Cha-Ching!"
Andy Gury was the only National with 2 hits. When asked the secret to his success, he pointed to the mob of ladies that had collected in the stands. Then unexpectedly said "My mom brings me vitamins."
|3||Mon May 20||6:00 PM||Hazel Park||Mets||L||14||0|
Mets Eke Slim Victory in Nail-Biter
1 2 3 4 5 6 R H E
Okay, so the margin wasn't that slim, and nobody was biting their nails, but for 4 innings, the Nats held in the game. Adam O'Brien is the Nats' player of the game. 4 strong innings from our starting pitcher, including striking out the side in his final frame. Tack on a hit and a walk in his 2 trips to the dish and we have a winner. "Don't shoot until you see the whites of their eyes." Adam chimed.
Detroit MSBL thanks Ian McWilliams for putting in such an effort getting the field ready. Had it not been for his stalwart work ethic, we could not have played. Ian pitched the 5th inning and endured the worst defensive meltdown a team can have. The unlucky righty pitched to 7 batters, with 5 errors committed in that span. To his credit, it just made his fastball faster. Ian spoke to the press after the game, and when asked about his new-found velocity, the hurler replied "Damn the torpedoes and full speed ahead."
We had a record 15 players in uniform tonight. 3 were on the DL (I refuse to use "IL"), so we batted the customary 12. Breann McWilliams came to her first game, steadily healing an oblique injury. When asked if she felt she could help a team struggling to score runs, she said "When the going gets tough, the tough get going."
David Werk brought the fancy stirrups today. They were beautiful. Pure Scarlet with a mid-cut stirrup. David had the good sense to wear the high cut in back, in the traditional style. 2 Navy Blue stripes at the calf, each surrounded by white stripes really brought the ensemble together. Never one to shy away from a fashion risk, David declared "We have nothing to fear, but fear itself."
The park was bringing in a carnival for the weekend and all the trucks came in during the "team meeting" after the game. One of the drivers decided to come have a beverage with us after the game and tell us all about Escanaba. We didn't have the heart to tell him he was walking around with Port-a-Potty toilet paper sticking out the back of his pants. Jeremy was his name, and he left saying "Give me liberty or give me death."
|4||Thu May 23||8:15 PM||Ford Field||Tigers||L||10||6|
Tigers Stay Late Sucking Them Down in the Parking Lot
1 2 3 4 5 6 7 R H E
Pour fêter leur victoire, les Tigers ont attendu que les lumières s’éteignent, puis se sont mis en cercle ... laissez votre imagination faire le reste.
Meilleure histoire suivante:
|5||Wed May 29||8:15 PM||Bicentennial Park||at Phillies||P|
|6||Fri May 31||6:00 PM||Hazel Park||at Diamondbacks||W||6||2|
Nationals Tame the Hill
1 2 3 4 5 6 7 R H E
The Nationals had their biggest crowd of the year, no less than 12 fans and 2 dogs. A big reason for the hoopla was the addition of a couple new players, Tyler Fessenden and Matt Fowler who arrived together in matching yoga pants and fuzzy sweaters. Andy Gury was the other big draw of the night, accounting for half the crowd himself. Andy likes to attract a crowd by reading Shakespear while juggling. With a fan-base like this, the Nats are sure to steam-roll the league and set all kinds of (attendance) records.
Absolutely the most fun part of the night was sommersaults down the hill. Breann McWilliams began the shindig with a perfectly executed series of in-line forward rolls, from the peak of the hill to the valley. Inspired, brother Ian, and player of the game Joey Lawnicki decided to race sommersaults down the hill. As soon as the referee said "go," they crashed into each other ... what followed was more like Laurel and Hardy rather than an athletic competition. It was enough laughs for prime-time TV.
Mid way through the Nationals' team meeting after the game, Brewers' pitcher Gary "Larry" Basile made an amazing foul ball catch on the parking lot side of the bleachers. Play of the game. Before returning the ball, he ran to the Nationals' camp-site, shotgunned a beer and did a shot of Old#7.
Finally ... on to the game!
It was Joey Lawnicki night in Hazel Park. 7 impressive innings pitched, plus on base all 3 times to the plate. Joey also changed a breast-feeding mother's flat tire, helped an old lady across the street, and rescued a kitten stuck in a tree.
Adam O'Brien had 3 crappy hits and turned them into 2 runs, an RBI and a stolen base. Adam also played a satisfactory game at catcher. "If this is a reality show, I'm not getting eliminated" he said in an even tone.
Matt Fowler made several impressive catches in the outfield, and a couple other impressive throws. Calm-Matt accounted for all the outs in the 5th inning with 3 nice catches in a row. "Of course I catch everything, I think about balls all day long...wait, that didn't come out right."
Tyler Fessenden also made an immediate impact on the defense, playing to perfection at both middle infield positions. Tyler explained, "I credit my agility to staying up late, playing video games in the dark, and texting while I drive."
|7||Wed Jun 05||8:15 PM||Hazel Park||at Team USA||P|
|8||Sat Jun 08||10:00 AM||Hazel Park||at Brewers||L||9||1|
Nationals Almost Make a Game of It
1 2 3 4 5 6 7 R H E
Andy Gury was almost perfect today. He pitched a great game, but was one inning shy of a complete game. Andy was also 2-for-3, so almost perfect at the plate. The white splooge on Andy's jersey today when a spoonful of Lucky Charms almost made it to his mouth.
Colton Rutkowski had just finished an almost 32-hour shift at 6:00 this morning, loading 40 lbs. bags of manure onto Amish wagons. Once home, he was almost asleep when he saw the team texts that we were short players. Colton almost made the start of the game by hustling to dress and drive. CRut almost had more hits than Andy (they were the only Nats with a pair of hits). Judging by the skid-marks, he almost did a good job wiping, too.
Andy Gury had almost the hardest-hit ball of the game. His double in the 1st is probably the Nats' hardest-hit ball so far, but some Brewers jerk had to go and hit a home run into Ferndale...which makes him almost the jerkiest guy on the field today.
|9||Tue Jun 11||8:45 PM||Flat Rock||Expos||L||12||5|
1 2 3 4 5 6 7 R H E
It was a tale of two balls. And those balls were Ian McWilliams' two balls. And of course we're talking about the 2 foul balls he hit down the left field line. Or ... you could be talking about the pitch in the dirt that dinged him catching. The umpire's call was "two balls, one strike." That sums it up exactly...though you could argue 3 balls were involved.
Colton Rutkowski wore a one-zee to the game today. 1 hit, 1 walk, 1 run, 1 RBI, 1 stolen base, and 1 dashing smile. "It's my girlfriend's birthday tomorrow, and I got her a really nice earring," Colton reported to the Daily Planet.
In the bottom of the 3rd inning, Coach Jim pulled out the bottle of smelling salts. Well, "smelling salts" may be inaccurate. It was a mixture of mustard seed, cat pee, and decongestant. After a snort of that, Nationals' bats woke up. 9 batters in a row reach base, except one which drove in a run instead. "The key is the cat pee." Coach explained, "not enough and the effect doesn't penetrate, and too much and it just makes you angry. Gotta get it juuust right."
The scoring went like this:
1. Ian led off with a walk. Stole a base. Scored on Colton's hit. Admitted he used to caress his Pink Ranger action figure.
2. Zac Boddy roped a single with authority. He scored on a wild pitch and ran home hard...um... you know what I mean
3. Colton drilled a single knocking in Ian. Scored on Andy's SAC...which caused quite a stir.
4. Brian Jones singled. Advanced to scoring position. Sniped at third, singing "Superman Dat Ho"
5. Matt Fowler drew a walk. Scored on Troy's hit. Took a breathalizer, even though he was neither drinking nor driving.
6. Kevin Moore got on somehow. Scored the 5th run. Farted in the dugout with absolutely no wind.
7. Andy Gury another RBI. Another wink. Another "make it rain" taunt.
8. Troy Badgerow finshed with a single, knocking in Kevin. Troy and Kevin also unveiled their 11-move unique handshake. This is bound to be the next big thing.
|10||Wed Jun 12||8:15 PM||Capitol Park||at Tigers||W||10||3|
1 2 3 4 5 6 7 R H E
Hats off to the Nationals for having their best defensive game of the year so far. There were a record-low errors, and record-high highlight plays - 2 of each. The highlight plays were made by the Nats' shortstops. Tyler Fessenden started with the WR Post Route catch of a roped line-drive Somehow, Tyler reached a little bit further than a human body actually can, which leads to speculation that he's extra-terrestrial. Ian McWilliams followed with a spin-o-rama play up the middle, confirming the speculation he prefers spinners.
The next reason the Nats commanded the scoreboard was Ian and Tyler's pitching performances. 6 IP, 0 earned runs, 5 Ks, 1 BB, 4 H.
This morning at the Jones house, Mama asked Brian "why 'you battin' tenth?" "I gotta get more hits, Mama," Brian answered. "Well then get some more hits," Mama finger-wagged. "Okay Mama," Brian sheepishly acqueisced. Brian went 3-for-3 with a run and an RBI, just to make Mama happy.
Andy Gury sure has been putting on a show all season. Today was no different. #9 had a flawless game in the field as well as at bat. Andy drove in a run every trip to the plate. He also scored twice - so he created 5 runs himself. Add a stolen base just to run up the numbers. After the game, Andy won $8 in a small-time "numbers racket" downtown.
Kevin Moore had a near-perfect day at the plate leading off. He was on base 3 times and scored all 3 times. Kevin swiped a couple bags to take the team lead for himself. Right after the game, Kevin flew to Hollywood and stole the hearts of America by singing a soulful rendition of Crank That Soulja Boy on America's Got Talent.
Several more guys deserve props, but in the interest of brevity, we'll finish with Troy Badgerow and Matt Fowler who each had 2-out, 2-RBI base hits. Without those clutch hits, this would have been a much closer game (I love how the math always backs me up in times like this).
|11||Mon Jun 17||6:00 PM||Bicentennial Park||Dodgers||P|
|12||Wed Jun 19||6:30 PM||Flat Rock||at Tigers||W||12||4|
Nationals Set New Attendance Record
1 2 3 4 5 6 7 R H E
The Nationals "team meeting" after the game included juice boxes, tacquitos, 22 humans and 2 dogs. It included a saucy comment from Zac that he loved watching "virgins." Very funny when taken out of context. Zac was expressing how amusing it is to watch someone shotgun a beer for the first time.
Top story of the game is Andy Gury's 2 home runs plus 2 walks - 3 runs and 4 RBI. As a side note, Andy drew the first intentional walk of the season. "Well, I mean you gotta have perspective" Gury mused ... "I had some great ribs for dinner. Sure the baseball is fun, but those were GREAT ribs."
Adam O'Brien always has interesting circumstances during his pitching starts. 9 up and 9 down through 3 innings, despite allowing 2 base runners - erased by our first double play of the year, and a pick off. Adam was still dangling the no-hitter with one out in the 4th. Thrilling. So thrilling in fact Ripley's Believe It Or Not is sending a crew to re-enact the game and film it. Believe it...
Both teams played a sound defensive game, but the one play that stands out is the catch Brian Jones made in CF against the 2nd Tigers' batter, Augie Sonaglia. Augie got a solid hold of an Adam O'Brien off-speed pitch and sent it deep to right center. Brian pulled his phone out of his pocket, facetime Jazz, and ran about 85' back to catch the ball while streaming the video. Later, after having a beverage in the parking lot, he was streaming something else...but that's an entirely different web site.
Tyler Fessenden came in to pitch relief and was bringing the heat ... no joke!
Joey Lawnicki had an excellent game behind the plate. Not only did he keep everything in front of him, he called an excellent game. Through the entire game, Joey tried to convince his teammates that he had been teleported 6 seconds into the future, and knew what was coming. ... "you're welcome."
Runner-Up Honorable Mentions go to:
Finally, to make things fun, our favorite umpire, Lou, was handing out Tootsie Rolls to everyone that got on base. U Da Man, Lou!
|13||Mon Jun 24||6:00 PM||Clawson||at Bloomfield A's||L||8||4|
A's Scratch Out a Nail-biter
1 2 3 4 5 6 7 R H E
Hats off to both #3 hitters. Matt Almany for the A's and the resplendant Andy Gury for the "gone-viral" Nationals. Both went yard, took 'em deep, touched 'em all, hit a dinger, hit the big fly, cooked a tater, hit a moon shot, tallied a four-bagger, jacked a long-ball. During the same inning, they also went to the restroom to urinate, take a pee, piss, take a leak, tinkle, take a whiz, go wee-wee, pee-pee, make water, drain the main vein, shake it twice.
In addition to Andy's 3-for-3, with a HR day, other Nats' had noteworthy offensive performance. Troy Badgerow had our other extra base hit, knocking a double to right-center. He did get his wood pretty solid on balls today, but that was after the game and strictly pay-per-view.
Brian Jones continued his torrent hitting pace knocking in our first two runs...a pair of RBIs, a couple ribbies, two runs batted in, shot a couple ducks on the pond, drove a pair home, ate twice at Arbie's. Brian also completed a streak of 9 plate appearances without hitting into an out, pumping his average up to a nice .333. Turns out, Brian also got his 333rd follower on his YouTube thumb-wrestling channel today.
Adam O'Brien continues his mystifying knack for leading the league in goofball $h!t. He was on base 2 out of 3 plate appearances today without a hit or walk. Every day is like this. Just yesterday he was in his back yard, cleaning up after grilling t-bones and was thinking "where should I throw away these bones?" when a wild dog ran up and snatched them from his hand and ran off. See...every day is like this.
|14||Wed Jun 26||8:45 PM||Flat Rock||Diamondbacks||W||14||1|
iMac Outhits D'Backs 1-0
1 2 3 4 5 6 7 R H E
Top story of the night was the time-shortened complete-game no-hitter by the Nationals' latest darling boy Ian McWilliams. It was perhaps the quietest no-no in the history of baseball. The scorekeeper dropped hints but nobody got it. By the end of the game, most of his team hadn't noticed. "Nice hitting Andy" was the general murmer as the players shook hands. To make it worse, coach yelled out "no hitter." The entire team though he pointed at Ian's girlfriend and said "he hit her." The entire team kicked the snot out of Ian.
The second-page story is the Nationals' offense. Dig this ... so many guys had big games at the plate that it was Adam O'Brien and his goofball-siht that makes the news. Not only was he 0-for-3, but he had 2 strikeouts and hit into a double play. You can't make this up, people.
So let's talk "Andy Gury." His 2-for-2 plus a walk puts him back on top, leading the league in hitting at a .654 clip. He leads in HR, and is one off the pace in RBIs. He also leads the league in batting average allowed. Just think if he could pitch to himself!
Matt Fowler makes his appearance on the leaderboard. A .533 AVG good for 4th in the league. In a stunning coincidence during the "drink a gallon of milk" challenge in the parking lot after the game, Matt finished his gallon in 53.3 minutes, and Andy finished his in 65.4 minutes.
Also on the leaderboards, Ian shows up at 3rd in the league with a 1.45 ERA and 4th with a 0.86 WHIP. By the way, a 0.86" diameter leather bullwhip is available at femdomandfetishes.com. Coincidence?
Zac Boddy had the single-most influential hit of the game. His bases-loaded, 2 RBI single in the 2nd inning blew the game open. He also blew open a boil on his neck ... ewwwww.
Colton Rutkowski was up 3 times and scored 3 times. As congratulations his teammates handed him a brick. So you know what he did with it? He threw it up in the air.
Joey Lawnicki also had a "3-runs in 3-trips" day. To celebrate, he lit a cigar. After a while he concocted a plan ... he would get his teammates to make a cheerleader pyramid. He would take off his shoes and run up the pyramid, jumping off the back of the top player. Joey threw his cigar towards home, where a D'Back was standing holding his bat. Joey ran up the pyramid, jumped and did a mid-air sommersault. When he landed, you know what was in his mouth? ... the brick!
Ben Gooch had the 3-for-3-for-3 kind of day at the plate. He got on 3rd base all 3 times up. "You know what...I'm pretty happy with third base" he said, as he walked away smelling his fingers.
|15||Mon Jul 01||8:15 PM||Bicentennial Park||at Cubs||W||7||6|
Nationals Pick Something Besides Their Noses - Grounders and Line Drives!
1 2 3 4 5 6 7 R H E
A season-low 1 error and several remarkable plays made this by-far the Nationals best defensive game to date. This has the Nats with 4 wins in 5 games. The team's best streak since Adam O'Brien agreed to go streaking through his high school lunchroom during lunch hour when he was a senior. He was wearing a ski mask, but everyone knew it was him.
And now... a list of the most astonishing things from tonight's game:
|16||Mon Jul 08||6:00 PM||Bicentennial Park||at Brewers||L||8||0|
Nats Bats Lack Smack
1 2 3 4 5 6 7 R H E
The Nationals enjoyed another 22 human + 2 dog cookout. Too bad some jerky Brewers pitcher had to throw a 4-hit shutout. As if that wasn't jerky enough, he also struck out 8 of the good guys. He probably eats with his fork in his right hand, too.
With only 4 hits, there isn't much to talk about. Andy Gury, Kevin Moore, David Werk and Damian Muniz had the Nats' hits. Damian's could have been a double if only he had hit the ball a little farther, or could run a little bit faster.
The defensive play of the game for the Nats is a close call. Two plays come to mind.
We had double Gooches at tonight's game. Aaron turns out to be a sure-handed everywhere fielder. He had the put-out at 3B from Joey's throw. After the play, Joey and Aaron shared a hug near the pitcher's mound that went uncomfortably long.
One bright note is that the Nationals played a pretty swell game defensively. Only 1 runner reached base due to error...which is quite odd because 4 guys spilled ketchup on themselves after the game.
|17||Thu Jul 11||6:00 PM||Hazel Park||Blue Jays||L||8||4|
NatioGals Take It To The Blue Jays
1 2 3 4 5 6 7 R H E
Breann McWilliams stars in bloop-fest with the Blue Jays.
With one of the strongest backs on the team, she carried the offense. Breann was the only player to reach base in every plate appearance - for either team. It was Breann that scored the Nationals' first run. She was up 2nd in the 6th inning, when BJ's hurler Kevin Nisun fell apart. Breann hit a chopper back to Kevin. He was so shocked that a girl hit his pitch that he came to pieces and couldn't make the play. Officially rattled, the next five batters reached base scoring 4 runs. Sparkplug --- Breann.
Eventually, the inning ended. One might expect Kevin's pitching tenure to end, and indeed Blue Jays management intended to make a pitching change, but Kevin bullied the smaller-framed manager into capitulation. His boorish antics included profanity, finger-pointing, and garlic breath. Nisun proceeded to give up a long fly ball out, and a double ... when finally a change was made. Enter fireballer Adam Carver.
Carver did manage to strikeout a batter, but up to bat came Ian McWilliams, the brother of tonight's heroine Breann. Ian notoriously destroys hard throwers, and today was no different. Breann's brother rapped a solid base hit against the flamer. Breann was up to bat next and threw Adam off his game. The nervous reliever couldn't come near the plate. When Breann drew her walk, it loaded the bases and brought the tying run to the plate - which also happened to be the top of the order. What more could you ask from the Darling of the Diamond?
Breann told us later, she overheard Jacob Bambrick whining "but it's my turn to pitch." "You showed up after we turned in the lineups" manager Patrick Folk snapped. "In fact you haven't been spanked yet for being late...come here and bend over my knee!"
Breann had a couple teammates make some great scoops at first base. Ian and Zac Boddy, first-time first-baseman. Ironically, Zac scooped a 7th inning throw from Ian, who had moved to Shortstop. "I'm proud of my teammates" Breann said, "those are tough plays on this infield." Breann gave them both a "thumbs up" and offered an exuberant "woot!"
|18||Sun Jul 14||3:15 PM||Bishop Foley||at Diamondbacks||W||11||1|
Nationals Find Hitting Shoes at Bishop Foley
1 2 3 4 5 6 7 R H E
Let's address the tragedy first. Breann McWilliams, the hero of the previous game, went 0n the Disabled List with a shoulder injury. Breann dove to try to wrangle in a blooper but was rewarded with a trip to the exam room. Initial tests came back negative, but I'm pretty sure it was the "Will I Rule the World Someday?" test ... nothing to do with her shoulder.
The Nationals offense was good but the pitching was better. Ian McWilliams making his first start since his barely-noticed no-no, held the Diamondbacks to 2 hits over 7 innings, striking out 6. The outing puts him 2nd in the league with a 1.05 ERA. "Of course I'd love to lead the league in ERA...the Equal Rights Amendment was my favorite part of history." "Honey, remember to leave the toilet seat up for me!" "Heck yeah, I love the Equal Rights Amendment."
Of course if you're talking offense, take note Andy Gury had a hit and 2 walks today, extending his already huge lead for the batting title at a .636 clip, as well as his league leading .714 OBP. Andy also appears on the HR, RBI, and Runs Scored leaderboards. Andy also will appear on the September cover of Maxim. For that story, you'll have to ask him directly.
There were several other notable offensive performances. It starts at the top with Kevin Moore getting on base 4 times, scoring 2 runs, and knocking in 3 with a clutch double in the 2nd inning. "I just found out that my mom has been grinding up broccoli and putting in my Spaghetti O's my whole life, so I guess it has to do with cruciferous vegetables."
Tyler Fessenden also had a perfect day, getting on base all 3 trips ... and knocking in a run in all 3 ABs also. Tyler was also our favorite designated driver and managed to talk Matt into a hangover tomorrow morning.
Jim McWilliams made his first official appearance of the season, pinch hitting for Breann after her injury. He managed a single and HBP in his 2 trips to the plate, knocking D'Backs starter Brian Birchenough out of the game. "Brian and I go way back" Jim told. "We were paratroopers together at the Bay of Pigs incident ... no wait, I dreamed that."
Ben Gooch was on base twice again today. He only has 3 hits, but he's been on base 17 times in 33 trips to the dish. "I'd rather be lucky than good - but I'd rather be good-looking than lucky." "Some days I get all 3 and MAN you should see my abs those days. That's when the avacado and tofu really pays off."
|19||Tue Jul 16||6:00 PM||Bicentennial Park||Phillies||R|
|20||Sat Jul 20||10:00 AM||Bishop Foley||Diamondbacks||W||13||7|
Democrats Vote No to Tax-cut Proposal
1 2 3 4 5 6 7 R H E
Diamondbacks were short players, so the Nationals moved Gooch and Coach Jim to the opposing dugouts. They responded with a fury, getting on base 4 of 6 times at bat, and 3 stolen bases. To show their thanks, the Diamondbacks took them out for ice cream after the game. Everything was cool until Roman's weird uncle Bert showed up. Let's just say, lunch ended when the fire department showed up with those special mops.
In other statistical-duo oddities, Jim McWilliams and Ian McWilliams teamed up to go 3-for-3 with 3 walks. Though Ian trumped the score-sheet by adding a double and 3 runs scored. "Yeah, I trump in my sheets all the time," Ian agreed.
Goofball play of the game none other than our reliable goofball, Adam O'Brien. It's the first time I've seen a batter called out for being out of the batters box on a hit. And to think, he had just said "I hit that box 3 or 4 times a week." Ironic?
Ian McWilliams headlines another story. Ian called his double in the 2nd inning, before going to bat, "I'm hitting a double to left", then WHAM! Joey smacked Ian on the butt. "Go get 'em kid!,". Followed by BAM, the pitcher throws a high fastball for a strike. Finished by THANK YOU MA'AM, the double over the left fielder's head. (Spotify: "David Bowie - Suffragette City" if you don't get that joke).
David Werk had a couple hits and a run scored, but more importantly his first RBI of the season, knocking in Ian from that double. Even more important than an individual accomplishment, it tied the game after the Diamondbacks took an early lead. "Call me 'Clutch' ... Clutch Shaftalotte" ... "That was my spy-name" David explained.
|21||Mon Jul 22||8:15 PM||Capitol Park||at Giants||L||3||0|
Pitching Duels at Capitol Park
1 2 3 4 5 6 7 R H E
The game previous to ours in Redford had gone 8 full innings before either team scored. Little did they know that the next pair of starters would allow a combined 3 hits...and every one of them complains about the mound...go figure!
Hats off to #40 from the Giants (fix the numbers, manager). #40 gave up a hit to Kevin Moore leading off the game, then went the final 23 batters with no more hits. I'd call you by name if I knew it. Are you my daddy?
The big Nationals' story was Ian McWilliams taking a no-hitter into the 5th inning. This is becoming a habit. It's more than a habit. It's an addiction. But it's that good kind of addiction - like protien bars - that's good for you.
Adam O'Brien didn't have any goofball things happen to him today.
Matt Fowler made a great catch of a foul ball in the Expos/Phillies game, saving a little old lady in a walker coming to see her great-grandson play baseball. Matt's face was covered in beat-red little old lady lipstick kisses. And he loved every minute of it.
|22||Wed Jul 24||6:00 PM||Capitol Park||Brewers||L||9||4|
Blinded By The Light
1 2 3 4 5 6 7 R H E
Odd thing at Capitol, one day you get pitching gems - and another day you get balls off gloves. Tomorrow's game is likely to be a slugfest.
Adam O'Brien was absolutely the Nationals' hero tonight. Knowing the team is up against it with pitching for the next 10 days, Adam tossed his first 7-inning complete game of the season. 37 batters, about double what you would expect. Eating innings because the team needs it. "I can't tell you how clutch that was for our team" Manager Jim McWilliams bellowed. "Besides, I need him to give me a ride later - you don't expect me to dog him, do you?"
In reality, the earned runs in the game were 2-1. It was a very well-pitched game on both sides. Especially with what Gary Basile went through. The story goes that on the way to the game, the Brewers' starting pitcher had to slam on his brakes and he hit his nose on the steering wheel. When he got to the field, his bat-bag caught on the garbage can. Gary fell and hit the bridge of his nose on the parking block. As he lay there writhing in pain, a 10-year-old girl fell off her skateboard and the darn thing smashed right into Gary's nose. A moment later, a squirrell ran to Gary's face and tried to break open a walnut on Gary's bloodied nose. But Gary's a trooper. He got up, poured a little Gatorade over it and wiped it with his sleeve. "Good to go."
Colton Rutkowski was really stroking it tonight. Sporting his new wood, and proud of the girth of the handle, he pounded out 3 money shots. "I love how hard that thing is. Just thinking about it makes me go 'woooo'."
There were a couple exclamations on the scoresheet. First was a catch by Kevin Moore, owning center field. "As a matter of fact I do own a center-field, I just put a down-payment on the new park at Grand Bouliver and Westword."
Goofballiest play of course was Adam O'Brien. Ground ball up the middle causes Adam to trip over his own feet. Flexing like no man should, the ball hit Adam and caromed right to Andy Gury who was charging in from third. Smart throw to 1B and you have a classic 1-5-3 put out. Something you don't see very often ... about as often as ice cream with bacon bits. Sounds yummy, but I've never seen it before.
|23||Thu Jul 25||8:15 PM||Ford Field||at Team USA||L||23||1|
Team USA Primed for the Playoff Run
1 2 3 4 5 6 7 R H E
In a lop-sided game, it's hard to find positives, but there were a few. Positives...the umpires didn't let the score change the way they called the game, and we tip our hats to them for their consistency. Positives...Team USA also played hard to the end. We appreciate the effort.
Oh...positives from our team? Hmmm...
Colton Rutkowski - carrying the team lately. In a statistical oddity, Colton was on base twice without hitting a fair ball all night. And it was two "I earned it" kinds of on base, not some "fielder's choice" imposter on-base. In another bizarre statistical oddity, Colton just discovered he is inversedextrous - meaning his left hand is right-handed ... and his right hand is left-handed.
Colton also pitched a shutout inning to end Team USA's offensive night. "I'm slingin' it" he said with a slight Texas drawl. "I just got a job with Cracker Barrel restaurant to flip eggs and hash browns...I'm slingin' it there too."
Zac Boddy was our leadoff hitter and starting pitcher. However, his best contribution was catching Colton's inning of pitching. Excellent form on every play. Most impressive! Well actually, Zac's most impressive accomplishment to date was the article he had published by History Buff magazine. It was a study of the social implications of 16th century Turkish bestiality.
|24||Sun Jul 28||3:15 PM||Bishop Foley||at Expos||W||10||3|
Nationals Get The Runs
1 2 3 4 5 6 7 R H E
Kevin Moore started the game by creating his own run. Leadoff bomb for a double, advance on ground ball to short, score on an infield drawn in. Also add to the record that Kevin robbed Expos' Ben Bloomgren of extra bases in the 2nd. Finally, it was announced Kevin's 'condition' is completely healed, and he can go in public pools again.
Troy Badgerow returned to the lineup after missing a pair thanks to his phone? Likely story...we've had a private detective trolling all the freak sites and found a picture that looks like Troy on www.livedoglife.com. Troy was on base all 4 times up. He hit one the 3 bombs the Nats hit. #52 led the squad with 3 RBI and 3 bags of sunflower seeds eaten. "That many seeds wreaks havoc with your digestive system...sorry."
Brian Jones had one of the other bombs late in the game. "Here I am, minding my own business when someone puts a helmet on me, hands me a bat and says go hit a dinger." "Next thing I know the ball is headed to the left-center field fence." It was recently discovered Brian has a rare condition that only allows him to form new memories every other 10-second cycle. Sometime, ask him about going to take a poop at Hazel Park...friggin' hilarious.
Andy Gury earned the win, pitching for the Nationals. The difference today was his command of the breaking pitches. And after all, the weekend is the best time for a bender. On the other side of the plate, Andy's hit in the 6th broke a string of 12 plate appearances without a hit, dropping him to 2nd in the league in AVG, but coming up to 2nd place in RBI. Landing him 2nd in all 3 Triple Crown categories. "Let me point out 192 batters in this league wish they were 2nd in all the Triple Crown categories." "Now that this ugly streak is out of the way, I can concentrate on the next-most-important streak - figuring out what happened to the back of my baseball pants."
|25||Thu Aug 01||8:15 PM||Capitol Park||Dodgers||L||7||0|
National and Dodgers Play to Tie
1 2 3 4 5 6 7 R H E
Nats ran into a tough pitcher. Dodger's Zack Zsolcsak tossed a gem. He also tossed a salad...but that story is not suitable for a family-friendly recap.
Joey Lawnicki was the Nationals' starter, and threw a few shutout innings of his own. "There's nothing like shutout innings to make you smile." "Well, maybe butterscotch pudding" he added.
The Nationals did make more errors than they preferred, but this was their best game of the year for EXCLAMATION MARK plays - so we're going to focus on the web gems.
The biggest one was the triple-play they turned in the 2nd inning. After Dodgers' Tyler Shiber and Hassan Jafer got on base by standing there ... Ben Lovell hit a grounder to second base. David Werk had been practing this particular back-hand toss since spring training. He flipped it to Tyler Fessenden at second. One out. Tyler fired a rocket to Ian McWilliams at first. Two out. Shiber tried to score from second on the play. Ian was aware of him rounding third and fired to home where Zac Boddy put the tag on Tyler. Third out and triple play. No joke, great play.
Now the jokes...The Nats actually had a pretty terrible infield warm-up. Everybody had trouble making plays...except maybe Big Daddy T. Anyway, none had a worse warm-up than David Werk. It was downright ugly. Just to show you how much warm-ups matter, David was perfect in the field today and made a super play starting the triple play. If you noticed, David didn't wear his usual baseball hat today; he was wearing cat ears. "After warm-ups" David explained "Coach said to be a cat." "I'll never forget that."
Zac Boddy gets his name thrown into the Gold Glove conversation with a terrific game behind the plate. "It wasn't as hard as I thought it would be." Zac offered. "Oh, catching? Yeah, that was fun too."
The highlight play after the triple play, was a ground ball that pinballed it's way to Andy Gury at third base. A hot-potato juggle later, Andy fired a bullet to first, to get the Dodgers' fastest runner by a step. After the Nats-Dodgers game, Andy initiated a pickup game. Andy was pitching when his mom spanked a single to right field. Way to go, Carol!
Both Ian McWilliams and David Werk had difficult pop ups when they were playing first base. Coincidentally, they both opted for non-beer immediately after the game. They toasted each other's pop ups, and held their pops up.
Kevin Moore, Brian Jones and Ben Gooch all made outstanding plays in the outfield. In addition to the fine plays: Kevin also pitched a 1-2-3 inning. Brian also had 1 of our 3 hits. And Gooch didn't strike out ... in 2 of his at bats.
Adam O'Brien didn't make the game because of car trouble. Even when he doesn't play, Adam has the goofy $h1+ happen to him.
|26||Sat Aug 03||10:00 AM||Fraser||Tigers||W||5||3|
Nationals Close Door on Tigers
1 2 3 4 5 6 7 R H E
Starting pitchers Eric Toysa and Ian McWilliams have chummed around quite a bit. Teammates several times, bullpen sessions, hitting in the cage, sharing a bowl of cheese dip. No surprise they both pitched solidly above-average games. They were obviously concentrating on pitching today, because they only got on base once between the two of them. "It's all about the W" Ian said, and pointed to his hat.
Andy Gury makes a penultimate charge back at the triple crown with a 3-for-3 day, and an RBI. "Batting average and RBIs will be easy" Andy boasted. "For the triple crown, I plan to hit 2 home runs in my final at-bat."
Troy Badgerow, Adam O'Brien and Tyler Fessenden had big days at the plate, each contributing a pair of hits. The group also chipped in a pair of runs, a pair of RBIs, and a pair of stolen bases. Would it surprise you to also know Troy just got a new pair of pants, Adam had pears for breakfast and Tyler is dating a parapalegic?
Christian Carlise was the only Tiger with a pair of hits. The former National knocked in the first run of the day for either team. "I've really found inner peace since discovering Scientology," Christian explained. "Don't get me wrong, I'm not a Scientologist. Just knowing there are way worse nutjobs out there than me ... THAT gives me peace of mind."
|27||Mon Aug 05||6:00 PM||Bicentennial Park||at Phillies||L||13||2|
Nationals Drop Double-Header
GAME 1 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 R H E
The first game was an ugly loss squarely on the defense. Andy Gury took the hill and scattered 4 hits across 4 inning. Somehow 8 runs scored, and none earned. Dropped balls did us in. Andy sympathized "I wouldn't have caught those balls either..." "But that's because I was too far away ... on the mound."
Let it also be known Andy was the only Nat with 2 hits. He keeps his Juul in his back pocket during the games.
|28||Mon Aug 05||8:15 PM||Bicentennial Park||Phillies||L||9||5|
Jones Shuts Down Phillies
GAME 2 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 R H E
This time the Phillies earned a few runs of their own before 4 errors in the 5th and 6th turned this one from a close game to a laugher. The Nats even plated enough runs to win a clean game. Damian Muniz led the charge with a pair of hits, a pair of runs, a pair of steals, and a pair of drum sticks from a Grateful Dead concert in 1971.
Matt Fowler came back to the lineup after his injured knee kept him out since ... well, too long. He popped a double in the first game, but this time his RC gapper went for a three-bagger. There was a beautiful head-first dive into the base. Afterwards we learned his legs just gave up, so he tried falling forward. It worked.
Last big deal of the night was Brian Jones making his pitching debut and tossing a no-hit / no run inning. ESPN Francais was on hand, and asked Brian "Pensez-vous que le manager a attendu trop longtemps pour vous donner un tour de ton?" To which Brian answered "How should I know, I don't speak French."