No team sprints after balls to the backstop like the Marlins. The Fightin' Fish really hustled out there.
Uncle Rich did a professional job with the walk up music. Player of the game, right there. Also player of the parking lot later, for vastly different reasons.
It's high time we got to our top stories of the night. Let's start with the best player on the diamond tonight, Chris Miller. The dude was Stonewall Jackson behind the plate, minus the reputation for the smell of whiskey and bad teeth. Chris led the slugging charge with a single and double. Funny, that's what he ordered at Wendy's on the way home from the game.
And speaking of Chris ... how about that Tom Baumeister? After sitting out how many years? He comes back and knocks in the game-winning RBI. Knocking in, of course the best player on the field tonight, Chris Miller.
And speaking of Chris ... Doug Fry had an amazing day pitching, largely because of the best player on the field tonight, Chris Miller. Doug struck out the side in the 6th inning on 8 pitches. Being the best player on the field, Chris framed one of the pitches so well the umpire called 2 strikes.
And speaking of Chris ... he stole the 9th and final base of the game for the Marlins. Chris really has a quick team in front of him. I mean, the way #2 scoots out for a #2. The way #0 ducked out to have a cigarette. These fish are quick. Led by the best player on the field tonight, Chris Miller.
That's not to say the Royals didn't have good game, on the contrary, this was a close game the entire way. For the Royals' player of the game, we select the SS Hernandez. He showed he had chops. Hit for power, steal bases. Good job. And we really enjoyed the case of Modelo after the game. Chris Miller (the best player on the field tonight) says Gracias!
And speaking of Chris ... Chris was on deck when Jeff Young stroked a poke to RF driving in 2 runs. Just another reason the Marlins are the best on-deck team in the league, and Chris Miller was the best player on the field tonight.
And speaking of Chris ... how about that Jim Cuthrell? The only Marlin to reach base all 3 (or more) times up. And speaking of Marlins, Jim brought the new team decor, our mascot the Furious Fighting Fish. A metal fish sculpture from a garage sale. Friggin' awesomeness incarnate. A grinding wheel and a couple colors of spray paint would turn this into a dandy Marlin. The tin fish was absolutely Chris Miller's favorite part of the evening, being the best player on the field, and all.
Marlins won the 2nd game of the double header. Finally vacating the parking lot at 1am. We had to make up for Chris Miller, who was the first Marlin to leave. Darn that Chris Miller!
The Marlins posed for the upcoming 2023 AARP calendar at a studio in Bingham Farms. I can't speak for everyone else, but I at least started my session in uniform. Already dressed for the part, we decided to play a baseball game afterwards.
Also dressed to the nines, the Diamondbacks obliged our invitation - both invitations in fact. Not only did we invite them to play ball, but we invited them to fan us with palm fronds at the photo shoot. Thanks guys!
On to the highlights. The Marlins won, so we'll start there.
Best player tonight was Doug Fry. First, he managed to get the phone number of the caterer at the photo shoot ("player" get it?). Second, he caught the first of 3 mile-high D'Back pop ups. This one was precariously close to third base. Those in attendance worried for his balance. I mean, when he tripped at the photo shoot wearing that toga ... "oh no, not again." Third, with the game on the line Doug was pressed into emergency pitching duties earlier than expected. Doug set down all 5 DiamondBs he faced. Secret Sauce stuff right there. Be sure to catch Doug in that toga, Mr. January.
On to Mr. February. Jerry Callahan had his typical wow day at shortstop, but not before his wow morning at the photo shoot. Jerry went au naturalle. The plan is to add a 4-leaf clover covering sensetive areas with photoshop. Moving on... At the game Jerry made no less than 3 difficult plays (and 2 easy ones), including starting a double-play. No play was more dramatic than the jumping snag of a Tim Wilson line drive in the 6th inning. The DBs had just tied the game and 2 runners were on base. Jerry played it off "oh was it a close game? I was listening to NPR in my earbuds."
The next 4 months on the calendar are all outfielders. Jim Cuthrell (March), Gerry Garcia (April), Jeff Young (May), Kevin Curtis (June). All these guys made nice catches at key points of the game. And let's just say I hope they don't get caught wearing their photoshoot costumes in public. There is sure to be some kind of citation involved. As for Kevin ... interesting use of Flex Seal.
Jim McWilliams (July), Tim Small (August) and Emile Stinchcombe (September) had the other Marlins hits. Their calendar images are sure to be a hit with the conservative crowd. Jim wears a dashing tie with cardigan sweater. Tim wears a tweed-vest 3-piece suit. Emile chose the tap-dancing martini glass costume once worn by Mary Tyler Moore.
Larry Feola did 2 things amazing today. First, he fit into that man-girdle and looks great in that wet-suit. Look out for Mr. October! Second thing amazing was that he managed to reach base every time up without a hit or a walk. It's a knack ...and this is The Knack - "bump bump bump bump bump bump my Sharona!"
Chris Miller drew a walk in the 2nd and eventually scored a tying run. Funny that it was tied then, because at his Mr. November photoshoot he only wore a yellow ribbon - tied where? Now we know why his nickname is "The Old Oak Tree."
Tom Baumeister of course is our Mr. December. His day was all about /'pr?z?nts/. Being December in the calendar he was wearing cute red boxers and sitting on a bunch of presents. Then driving from the photoshoot to the game, he listened to Led Zeppelin Presence. He graced us with his presence at the game and team meeting. Finally on his way home he had the presence of mind to stop and get flowers for his wife.
Look for the calendar order-form in the next AARP circular. And remember, you get a free small drink at Taco Bell - senior soda.
I did want to call out a couple Diamondbacks for having great games, but this is already too long. The one anecdote I do want to relate is that Bob Hannon took the hill and pitched the 8th inning. Nobody had the heart to tell him the game was over after 7. By the way, Bob did not allow a run.
1 2 3 4 5 6 R H E Marlins 0 0 0 5 0 0 5 6 2 Cubs 1 2 2 4 0 9 11 0
The Marlins and the Cubs met at Capitol Park to film the upcoming fictional drama "The Cubs Win" produced by famed film icon Stanley Kubrick. CGI extra base hits by Scott Siddal and Ed Moriarty added some action to an otherwise hum-drum game. In fact, all of Ed's plate appearance were produced by Industrial Light and Magic. ILM Head Production Designer commented "What a great guy to work with, that Ed. He'll wear 3D modeling sensors anywhere."
Other CGI scenes include Jeff Young and Emile Stinchombe's inning-ending strikeouts. In the final version of the movie, Jeff Young throws a 60mph fastball to strikeout Tom Nevens. Emile was quick to point out, "If Jeff threw that fastball at the Little League World Series it would seem like 80."
The special effects outfit also supplied hilarious characters for umpires. Between innings, CGI Bill would do The Robot and Running Man dances. The home plate umpire was replaced by a cell phone on a tripod with the Strike Zone app.
The film will have smatterings of comedy. Oh the scene where Dave Brown and Eddie Bernardi are urinal buddies ... what a hoot.
The human-interest element to the film involves a player making his league debut, Eddie Bernardi. Played by real-life Eddie Bernardi, Eddie Bernardi gets his first MSBL hit in the 5th inning off George Pfiffer. A date to remember. It's also when Eddie injured the back of his knee after his family and doctor told him he was crazy to play the role of an aging athlete. While on walk-up music duty, the phone went haywire and started playing music mid-pitch. Later, Eddie ripped right through a chair at the Director's meeting. In the CGI version, Eddie falls backwards out of the chair, but does a back-roll and comes up standing. In the real-life version, he couldn't get up, he was like an upside-down turtle. Once all the Marlins got a pic for Instagram, he was helped to his feet.
Ed Pevos and Eric Toysa paired to call a perfect game. Thanks guys! You know, they almost didn't make it. As you know, Ed and Eric drive together since they live on the same block. Well today they stopped to get some water bottles at Kroger. Turns out Kroger was offering free samples of mini weenies in BBQ sauce. They stayed and ate the entire supply.
Hats off to Steve Frye for his complete game 1-hit shutout. His stuff was too much for the Marlins. And by "stuff" we mean The Right Stuff. And by "The Right Stuff" we do mean Steve was an astronaut. And by "astronaut" we do mean he spent 4 months on the International Space Station. Steve, as you remember, was conducting several experiments reclaiming water from human waste.
Marlin's starter Tom Baumeister was his team's player of the game, but because he had the one lone hit. Well, I suppose if you count sneaking behind the dugout for a quick puff on a cigarette, he had LOTS of one lone hits.
Jim Cuthrell had the best defensive play of the game going deep to right-center to make a grand-stand catch. Unfortunately, he thought that was the 3rd out (it wasn't) and didn't throw the ball back to the infield ... runners advance. Some of you may think that was the joke, but no ... this is the joke:
Chris: I lived in Fraser for six months Tim: Why did you leave? Chris: We moved
A hot evening in Clawson and 2 even hotter pitchers take the hill. Cherub-smiled Mark Wrubel pitched first for the home Lugnuts, then square-jawed Tim Small threw for the visiting Marlins. Mark threw 6 shutout innings. Unfortunately Mark pitched 7 innings. Still hats off to a fine performance.
Tim was nearly as dominant, but his team faltered behind him. This was quite reminiscient of when Tim finished second in the Ididerod. In that case, his team faltered ahead of him.
Jonny Goldberg had the big blast of the day. Triple over the right-fielder's head and he scored on an errant throw to third for a 'Little League Home Run', which is exactly the way Mrs. Goldberg describes last Saturday night.
The Lugnuts managed to throw out 3 Marlins from the outfield. Well, 2 from the outfield and one from the infield dirt, but thrown by an outfielder. Drama to be sure, but as far as highlight play defense, the top play was Jerry Callahan going far back into the outfield for a pop up. Jerry still has amnesia from the alien abduction incident and every day forgets everything. Today we told him he was Hanley Ramirez playing in an old-timers game.
Special mention defensive play goes to the long-running catch Jim Cuthrell made to rob Gus Morris of a hit in the 6th inning. You be sure to catch Gus opening for Mitch Ryder July 1st at Wildwood Amphitheater 2700 Joslyn Ct, Lake Orion, MI. Be sure to catch Jim Cuthrell washing cars in a bikini for charity at South Lyon High School, July 2nd.
Emile Stinchcombe was the best player on either side of the ball. He threw 4 innings, all shutout innings despite many Marline errors. He was on base every time up with hits and walks. And to top it all off, boy does his diesel smell good!
Jerry Callahan shone at shortstop. He made 4 or 5 "holy cow" plays. But as the headline reads, Jerry actually just stunk way less than everyone else. There was that one throw... well, er um... great job out there kid!
The Marlins were determined to win the second game and indeed at 2:05am, Eddie Collins was the last Tiger to leave, with 3 Marlins left to bask in the glory of victory. Then realize we gotta work in the morning, and we live 2 hours away.
Can a 5-2 game be a pitching duel? It felt like it. Ronnie Elswick really pounded the strike zone early. Pretty sure it was 8 straight strikes to start the game. Coincidentally, Ronnie also pounded the pavement all morning, collecting signatures for a ballot proposal to ban global warming. As for the third, and purely punchline reference to "pounded," you make it up. Post it in the comments below.
Jim McWilliams pitched 5 innings for the Marlins tossing exceptions. Meaning "did well, except..." To wit: Jim allowed only 1 hit, except 4th inning when he surrrendered hits to 4 of 5 batters. He threw a high-percentage of strikes, except for the 2 batters he walked, both on 4 pitches. As for the third, and purely punchline reference to "except," you make it up. Post it in the comments below.
Emile Stinchombe gets the "not my night...yet" award despite having a great night. He was the only Marlin with 2 hits, yet didn't make it to second base. He pitched an inning allowing no earned runs, yet gave up 3 unearned runs. As for the third, and purely punchline reference to "yet," you make it up. Post it in the comments below.
Joe Bottorff, 45s leadoff hitter, was on base all 3 times despite not having hit the ball out of the infield. There's nothing funny about that, Joe just wanted everyone to know he was on base all 3 times up; he posted it in the comments below.
The single best play of the game was Jim McWilliams pitching to 45'er Kevin Saunderson. In order to urge his teammate to success, Albuda yells out "stroke it like yer home alone." Jim had to call time to regain his composure. The next pitch was an awesome curve ball that broke from the top of the strike zone to the bottom and all on the inside black. Kevin stroked according to instruction, hitting it deep to left. However, let us introduce Marlins' left fielder Kevin Curtis. With urging from Jim Cuthrell in center, Kevin finally did go back and catch a pretty mighty blast. So, some witty reparte, a strong hit, and a good catch. Best play of the game.
...Unless you're a double play kinda guy or girl. Then it would be the double play Joe Gorelski hit into. You'll have to get the details from him though. He doesn't really want anyone to know he hit into a double play, so you need to tell at least 4 people. Did you have a different favorite play of the game? Post it in the comments below.
Speaking of Kevin Curtis (and we were), today is a landmark day that in addition to the dramatic catch he notched his first base hit. Now we expect you to rake. Kevin also discovered a massive hemorrhoid, so it's not all roses. But it's still a trade any real ball player would make. What other trades would you make if you were a ballplayer? Post your trades in the comments below.
Umpires were Eric and Logan. Both did great jobs. It's a joy to play when you get the "upper division" umpires. Eric actually said "it's really fun to umpire a game when the pitchers throw so many strikes." Well, we think that's what he said. It could have been "I just got paid, I'm stopping at Twin Peaks on the way home." Now you make up an umpire joke and post it in the comments below.
Greg Cason did a bang-up job filling in for Jim at second base. Greg also did a bang-up job on his garbage cans when he backed out of the driveway coming to the game. And one last time, you make up the third joke referencing "bang-up" and post it in the comments below.
I hope you all enjoyed reader participation night. If you'd like to donate to support the channel, don't.
=========================================== COMMENTS =========================================== [Joe Buttorff] 7:46pm I was on base all 3 times up
Tim Small was the standout player of the game, tossing 5 innings allowing a single earned run. Tim also bashed a double in that big 9-run inning. Tim credits his pitching success to eating Garbanzo Beans daily. Not Chick Peas, mind you...only Garbanzo Beans. Do you know the difference between a Chick Pea and a Garbanzo Bean? Tim has never had a Garbanzo Bean on his face.
The difference in the game is that 5th inning when the Marlins exploded for 9 runs, including hitting 4 doubles. Six batters reached base in a row with 2 outs. Jim McWilliams, Marlins' skipper, claims this is due to a recent business trip to Bangkok. Local entertainers offered to grant any wish he had, and of course being a baseball guy, wished for a big inning against The Royals.
James Robertson laid down a nice SAC bunt in the 3rd inning. He peeled a sack of potatoes once he got home. He also invested in a few Sacagawea gold coins at the Flea Market on Dixie Hwy. Don't ask James about his sack, though. The answer you will get may be unsettling.
Best defensive play of the game? It would have been Jerry Callahan's grab up the middle if only he'd put the throw on target. That was certainly the best glove play of the day. But since there wasn't an out made, we'll back up to the 6-4-3 double play Jerry started to end the 2nd inning. That's some leather out there at short. If you ever visit Jerry at home, don't go in the basement. The leather in that back room is a whole 'nother world.
Those dastardly Pirates. Not only do they steal all the booty, they go around clubbing. 5 Pirates clubbed extra bases, but Paul Lee was the worst, clubbing a triple. That's right, 3 baby seals with one fell swoop. How can you sleep at night?
Luckily the good guys had their own heroes. Doug Fry was on base 4 times and played a slick third base. "I'm just trying to get the media to pay attention to me." Doug said after the game. "I mean, who wants to keep hearing about baby seals getting clubbed?"
Tom Baumeister had a nice run pitching. Between clubbings, Tom set down 7 in a row - and 9 out of 11 in a nice stretch. Tom finished the night by striking out the final two batters he faced. Enough of that, the Manager said, bring in the new guy. Tom had no recourse, since he was only the Meat Manager.
The new guy turned out to be an old guy, being a 52-and-over division. Ken Koperski playing his first game of the season. Sad to say a couple baby seals bit the dust when Ken was pitching too. Still, he made a terrific play at second base to start the game and was instrumental in getting that post-game cigar smoked.
In a game with no extra base hits or stolen bases, Jerry Callahan and Larry Feola did their own version of clubbing, being the only Marlins with two hits each. But since these were the good guys, the hits were all singles and no baby seals were harmed.
Scotty Misuraca and Steve Parker worked the game and did a fine job...except Uncle Rich's highlight was that he called Jerry Callahan safe on the stolen base. No baby seals clubbed there, but sliding into second is a bit like Whack-A-Mole.
1) Marlins pitcher that shut the door on the Diamondback's offensive onslaught, allowing 1 run in 4 innings. 2) Marlins shortstop that was 1 of 2 players on base all 4 times up. He also turned in a gem of a play up the middle. 3) Marlins center fielder was the other player on base all 4 times up. He made one of the longest-running catches you'll see all year. 4) Marlins left fielder made one of the other longest-running catches you'll see all year. 5) Marlins leadoff hitter scored 3 runs without the benefit of a hit. 6) Marlins third baseman was the only other fish with a multi-hit game. He also out-drifted the wind on a pop up. 7) Marlins catcher was a brick wall behind the plate. He also started hitting once he resorted to curse words. 8) Marlins right fielder drew 2 walks and managed a run, an RBI and a stolen base.
Dodgers change name to Decongenstants after hitting the snot out of the ball
1 2 3 4 5 6 7 R H E Marlins 0 0 0 0 0 3 0 3 8 4 Dodgers 3 011 1 0 0 15 12 1
The Dodgers hit with power, slugging two home runs, four doubles and a lot of hard-hit outs. In response, the Marlins defense turned three double plays. Calculations say it would have taken eight double plays for the Marlins to win the game. <wait for it>
Of course it was Andy Fairman and Myron Gardner starring in the game tonight with their home run trots. Andy did "The Charslton" rounding third base, while Myron did the more traditional "Plate of Spaghetti". This time, it was a real plate of spaghetti...well, Tupperware and a plastic fork, but still it was the second-funniest thing we saw all night.
Jerry Cuthrell and Jim Callahan each had a pair of hits, did you notice? But it was Doug Fry that comes away the hero, belting a double with the JCs on base. Doug also pitched a 1-2-3 6th inning. Doug's greatest accomplishment though, was the time he brought helium balloons to Karaoke Night and sang Journey and Rush.
Larry Feola crushed a ball, and was on his way to a double when something inside "broke." Larry had to sit out the rest of the game. The Dodgers, specifically Bob Hoffman, were graceful and offered to skip the automatic out. Yes, the same Bob Hoffman that made up Taco Tuesday, so what Bob says, goes.
A rare event did occur this eve, on such a night of splendorous conditions. Hark, a band of ballers did, with skilled hands, fielded an errorless game. Yet such valor did lay unrewarded, for the Cubs were inadequate in the final tally. 'Twas the holders of first-place, versus the upstart second-placers. It was the former that reigned victorious this match, in order that the scales be evened - due the Cubs' victory last go 'round.
Several insipient events unfolded in this fine test of manliness. Gerry Garcia did, with brazen jaw, accumulate his first hit with the Marlins. Walks aplenty, Sir G.G. does pedally traverse said bases with consistent regularity. Unlike his bowels...
Most manly of the proud deeds achieved this day, his honorable Jeff Young was thoust hero putting such power into the ball he did score his first triple. Thor would proudly beam thusly of superior results. One might dream Thor beaming would hence bringeth good fortune, but nay. Thor be fond of cuddling, and as his station demands, always the big spoon.
Saints be praised, it was Father Tom of Bonner that did, by sheer exuberance, aggrandize the only unsullied score sheet for the victorious Marlins. Yea, perfect beholden 3-for-3 was the scorekeepers cry. Such glory...such glamor. His reward? Naught - too late is the hour for revelry.
1 2 3 4 R H E Marlins 7 0 4 1 12 11 1 Woodpckrs 2 9 4 0 15 15 2
Lots of guys had big games on both sides. Nobody cares about them bum Woodpeckers though. I'm going to mostly stick to the dashing, well-dressed, personable Marlins and the sweetheart of St. Clair Shores.
The most personable of them all, Tom Baumeister. He took home the golden opener as the team's best player tonight. First, Tom wowed the media by giving the pre-game interview. The parenthetical references in his reparte was dazzling. As dazzling as Jason Momoa still wet from a spray tan. Tom utimetly went on to be one of the four Marlins that reached base every time up. He also was the first Marlins pitcher that didn't get clobbered. Tom set down the Peckers 1-2-3 in the final frame, striking out two. As Tom was leaving for the evening he muttered "spray tan, huh...maybe it's worth a try" then drove over a parking block.
The best-dressed players tonight were also the other three players that were on base every time up. Jim McWilliams featured the high orange socks, slim-fit knickers, orange belt and a black undershirt. But it was the birthday suit he wore much later in the evening, as he streaked through the groundskeeping area, that gets him on that list.
Emile Stinchcombe sported the long pants, black belt with a camo undershirt. Because it was perfect camo for the pine trees at the outfield fence, it seemed you could see through a spot on him when he was pitching. Sorta like when a weatherman wears a green tie.
Tim Small boasted the best-fitting tailored baseball uniform. Slim fit long pants and jersey with a black belt. But it was the gold epaulets that really made the look shine. Tim misses the shoulder pads from the 80s. Later, when Tim was relating an anecdote, Doug asked "do you have to wear sunglasses when you pee?"
Doug Fry was the most dashing of the Marlins tonight. For the game's sake, he had a good day at the plate. 2 hits, 2 runs, 2 steals and an RBI. Doug though, had a flare. And I mean that literally, Doug wore the 70s flare long pants tonight. He also sinched his jersey in a way then when left untucked in back, resembled tuxedo tails.
Gotta say, Ed Alberts was the sweetheart of St. Clair Shores tonight, the way he led his team to the victory. But of course the night ended with his trending quote "If I only got one more inch of meat."
Lugnuts starter Don Yaske pitched a gem despite walking 6 in 6 innings. He's also made a ton on the stockmarket, despite investing heavily in Kmart in 1999. Motley Crue was looking to party with him last weekend, despite the fact that Don isn't a Rock Star. So you see - he's effectively wild.
Only two Marlins were on base twice, but I'm not going to say their names, because neither one got a hit.
Marlin hits were spread out. Jim Cuthrell singled in the 4th and Chris Miller singled in the 6th. Other than that it was a bunch of walks. I believe several players walked in Ferndale's "Respect for Parents Day" Parade, as a matter of fact.
Both third basemen turned in outstanding performances. Today, Doug Fry had the highest revenue Monday at the store since the 2002. Nick Gardella sang the first tenor part in Verdi's Rigoletto at Orchestra Hall this afternoon. Outstanding performances!
Scotty behind the plate and Lou in the field. They did a fantastic job for us. Outstanding performances!
1 2 3 4 5 6 R H E Dodgers 2 1 3 9 1 2 18 20 1 Marlins 1 0 1 2 0 1 5 11 5
18 to 5 seems lopsided, but it wasn't really that bad. Marlins defense was rusty after eleven days off. Take away those unearned runs and it was only 14 to 5. Okay...I guess that does seem pretty bad, but it wasn't really that bad. I mean, there was this crazy inning where the Dodgers hit everything off the handle and the end of the bat, and it dropped in anyway. They scored 9 runs that way. Take that away and finally we have a 5 to 5 game. Not so bad.
It wasn't a total loss for the Marlins. Eleven hits and 5 runs could win some games. It went something like this:
Bottom of the first, Doug Fry drives in Jim McWilliams. That is to say, Jim hired Doug as a personal chauffer. Doug does not actually have a CDL, so sshhh, don't tell anyone.
Bottom of the third, Doug Fry drives in Jim McWilliams. That is to say, Jim hired Doug as a personal RBIer. Doug does not actually have an RBI card, so sshhh, don't tell anyone.
Bottom of the fourth, Ken Koperski doubles, scoring Tom Baumeister and Tim Small (running for Chris Miller, son of Ma and Pa Miller, the second-most famous Miller family of all time just behind the global superstar entertainment family who starred in their own show, ITS THE MILLERS, of course we mean the Millers of Milwaukee, WI, well known for their lite beer and run-on sentences).
Bottom of the sixth, Gerry Garcia knocked his most-clutch hit as a Marlin. With runners on first and third GG drove a single to right-center driving in Tim Miller (running for himself).
I believe it is no secret players in this league will take a long time leaving parking lots. Clawson is a place where teams must be careful since public consumption is strictly forbidden, and some players will enjoy a barley pop to unwind. The Marlins far outlasted the 45s in the parking lot tonight, what with the chicken nuggets on the grill, and all. But jeeze, Joe G was the last 45 to leave while half a dozen Marlins still remained. 60 seconds later 5-0 was driving up on the Marlins, inspecting the camp site. Thanks Joe!
Scott Mitchell started for the Colt 45s. He had fewer than 3 innings pitched this year, but threw like an ace tonight. Related: I saw ACE Frehley throw out the first pitch at a Dodgers game once, and it was horrible. He threw like a girl, before it was insensitive to say so.
Marlins clean-up hitter, Tom Bonner gets the Marlins tip-o-da-cap for breaking up Scott's no-hitter in the 4th inning. "At least I didn't stink it up every time at bat" Tom told reporteres. "By the way, "tip-o-da-cap" is a word scramble of "apophatic"" (admittededly, this is really a stretch to be considered funny, but it is ironic, so ... look it up if you dare.)
Gerry Garcia made the best defensive play of the game. He ran a mile to track down a ball that looked surely to be a Matt Konwerski single. No, denied! It was a thrilling ice-cream-cone catch. Gerry really played it up, too. He danced around with the ball, did a sommersault and landed into the splits. He carried on so much that Mike Koceski tagged up and scored from second base. We finally had to interrupt Gerry when he started unbuttoning his shirt and playing "ride-em-cowboy" with the ball.
Chris Miller was the Marlin with a big day at bat. HBP, walk, RBI single. He's our Pick the Stick winner with 4 points. And what stick does Chris pick to have such big games? Cass River Lumber Co. That's right, Michigan operated and family-owned Cass River Lumber Co. If you want to swing a big stick like Chris, do what he does, gets something perfectly crafted to match your style (as long as you pick a bat that matches your style) get a Cass River Bat. Yes, that's cassriverbats.com
1 2 3 4 5 6 R H E Marlins 0 3 1 3 3 1 12 12 1 Lugnuts 0 0 0 2 0 1 3 7 5
Top ten hottest things on the field today: 1) The sun 2) Tom Baumeister's neck hair: W, CG, H, 2xR, SB 3) Jeff Young's cherubic smile: 3 stand out catches in centerfield 4) Jerry Callahan's wool socks: H, W, R, RBI, SB 5) Tom Bonner's chest hair: H, W 6) Chris Miller's catcher's gear: 2x1B, W, 2xR, 3xRBI 7) Tim Small's rippin' abs: 2x1B, RE, 2xR 8) Gerry Garcia's mouth organ skills: 2x1B, R 9) Kevin Curtis' hulk shoulders: 2x1B, W, 2xRBI 10) Jim McWilliams' slim-fit knickers: R, RBI, 2xSB
With 12 and 13 hits, both teams were putting good barrel on the ball. Each side allowed 3 walks, which means the pitching was throwing strikes. The difference in the game is that E column. Tigers played a perfect game in the field; that's how you win. Speaking of winning, Chris Miller won $2000 with a scratch-off Lotto he got at the gas station. So the Clawson game tomorrow Chris is bringing strippers and cocaine. ** of course I'm kidding. Chris would never bring cocaine to a baseball game.
The dickiest play that the Marlins needed to turn was Gerry Garcia throwing out Greg McClone from right field. Field umpire Tony scoffed in disgust and vowed not to make a donation to Red Cross in Gerry's name for at least the rest of the year.
Ken Koperski and Doug Fry actually pitched pretty well despite the score. After all, there were only 3 earned runs against them. You will notice a "3" conspiracy here. Somehow, an unknown influence forced a bunch of 3s into the game. Those 3 earned runs, plus Jim McWilliams had 3x3. 3 hits, 3 runs, 3 steals. Tom Baumeister was on base 3 times and ate 3 hot dogs. Doug Fry had 3 total bases and 3 beers. Isn't that weird?
The Marlins offense was well spread out. Eight of ten batters had hits. Those without had a walk and an RBI, so everybody rides. Well done...like a burnt wiener.
What wasn't spread out was the Team Meeting. For some reason everyone sat in a really tight circle. And to make matters more uncomfortable, Jeff Young was telling us stories that involved his wife in the shower. Something else interesting from the meeting was that we discovered just how many Marlins prefer their wieners black.
In an effort to relieve suffering, President Biden has forgiven all Marlins losses. 7-0...we're off to a great start, thanks Joe!
It's slim-pickens for the Marlins highlights tonight, but there were moments of glory. Doug Fry, yes the same Doug Fry that invented spray butter, made the first outstanding defensive play of the game. Playing third base he had to rush in on a softly-grounded ball and throw a bullet strike to first in order to nip Stacey Fulton by half a step. Doug also nipped Stacey shaking hands after the game. Instead of the handshake or fist bump Doug gave him a titty twister! Stacey appreciated the attention.
You know how catchers never catch pop ups? They always flounder around, usually wind up facing the wrong way, and sometimes fall down when a ball is hit 6 feet away. Well not this time brother, Chris Miller caught one of those pop ups! Yes, the same Chris Miller that changed his mind about how to spend his $2000 lotto ticket and instead bought both teams ice cream tonight after the game. Hooray for Chris. Unfortunately, this magical catch will never be officially recorded because President Biden has also forgiven all Diamondbacks outs tonight.
Let's talk Jerry Callahan, shall we? His back tweeked in the first inning, but he toughed it out knocking a pair of smoked line drive singles, a pair of stolen bases, a run and an RBI. And if you think his baseball game was hot, check out his award winning chilli.
Best news of the night, we found the missing Callahan's pen, the official pen of the Marlins, under the bench in the dugout. Silver linings, folks!
Ranger Win, but Marlins Have Better Retirement Portfolios
1 2 3 4 5 6 R H E Rangers 7 1 4 2 2 0 16 11 1 Marlins 0 0 1 0 0 0 1 6 4
So, Marlins highlights hmmm. Let's go with this - Darrin Clark didn't hit a home run and Matt Enciso didn't steal a base. We could also add Darrin was not elected Bowling League Secretary, and Matt has never tried butter pecan ice cream, but that wouldn't be relevant to the game.
Tim Small got the start for the Marlins, facing David Rucko for the Rangers. After 2 innings, neither pitcher had allowed an earned run. While this may be true, it does not tell the story of the game. In fact, let's leave the story of the game out of it. Just saying, Darrin did not hit a home run off Tim, and Matt did not steal a base against Tim...just sayin'. David pitched okay.
Tom Baumeister also pitched for the Marlins and likewise did not allow a homer to Darrin or a stolen base to Matt. What Tom did do is finish the game in fine fashion, throwing a 1-2-3 final inning. Then to cap the night off drew his second walk to go with a hit - perfect at the plate. Tom is really on top of the world. Today he also had a haircut, shave, mani-pedi and exfoliation. He's feelin' it!
There were a couple oustanding catches tonight. Unfortunately for the Marlins, they were both turned in by Rangers. Steve Michelz ran behind the thirdbaseman to catch a line drive off the bat of Chris Miller to end the first inning. It's okay, Steve sent a dozen roses and a cheesecake as an apology. That Steve...what a guy. The other was Ed Wielczopolski's long running catch off Jim McWilliams' right field flare. And speaking of flare, it was Ed that wore the bell-bottom baseball pants. That's quite a look Ed.
Tonight featured 3 key Marlins batters returning to the lineup, Doug Fry, Gerry Garcia and Larry Feola. Turns out these guys were firecrackers, inspiring the Marlins to set season-high marks in hits and extra-base hits. I don't mean "firecrackers" like they contributed much to scoring, I mean "firecracker" like they were actually lighting and throwing firecrackers in the dugout. Darn it guys, enough already.
One of those season-high extra-base hits was the Marlins' personal Hulk, Kevin Curtis. Kevin drove a ball deep to left-center field for a stand up double. His first MSBL extra-base hit! Gerry Garcia was on base and would have scored on the blast, but rounding third he dropped his dentures and stopped to pick them up. That Gerry ... what a smile!
Jim Cuthrell led the hitting barrage with 3 hits and 2 doubles. Rumor has it the "2 doubles" refers to having two double-shots of tequilia...but it's just a rumor. You should put no credence in unfounded rumors. Gosh, then you'd be asking what the "3 hits" means and I can tell you, Jim's not that kind of guy.
Best defensive play of the game: Jim McWilliams catching a sharp foul ball off the backstop from the on-deck circle. Now there's some hustle. When asked about his quickness at this advanced age he commented "you see, my wife runs an animal rescue and the house is full of wild animals. You never know when you'll be attacked so you learn to be ready all the time."
Another barragemeister was Tom Baumeister. Not to be confused with Gefald Braumeister, purveyor of fine ports and ales or David Brewmeister the house DJ from Milwaukee. TomBau had 3 hits and a walk, not to be confused with "drei Treffer und ein Spaziergang," the literal German translation. Tom also added one of the mighty doubles, netting himself an RBI and run scored for the effort. Not to be confused with watching 1997 Batman and Robin, because that's the one where they have rubber nipples. I mean, how could you possibly confuse that with Tom's double?
After all this praise, we must include Jerry Callahan's story. Jerry likewise had 3 hits, but added 3 runs, 4 RBI and a stolen base. He also added some nifty glove work. Hmm, there was the long-range grounder at short to end the game. There was a challenging pop up. Another long range grounder ... OH! then the richochet off Doug for the 5-6-3 play. And this doesn't even tell the whole story. Jerry also stopped to help change an old lady's tire on the way to the game. Once he was at the game he delivered pizzas to the Tigers in a friendly gesture. Finally in the Marlins dugout, Emile's shoulders were tight from working during the day, so Jerry rolled his bat across the sore spot and rolled out the knot. I mean, there's nothing Jerry can't do.
Emile Stinchombe was the winning starter for the home Marlins. He spread out 12 hits rather effectively. You could technically call it 13 hits because an errant pick-off throw hit Gene Bennett at first base (pretty sure it still hurts). Luckily, Emile managed 3 hits at bat including a big double. Ironically the double was to center field, and if Gene had not been hobbling, he may have caught that ball. That's taking the bull by the horns, Emile!
At one point in the 6th inning, the tying run was on second base and the manager just had to go for the closer. Doug Fry came in and set down all 4 batters he faced, including striking out the first and last batters he faced. Doug is at his best when it means something. Apparently going to church afterwards means something. In the words of Benjamin Franklin, "Beer is proof God loves us, and wants us to be happy."
Kevin Curtis continues his string of extra-base power clubbing another monster blast to left-by-left-center. He's been coach his whole life, so a good hit has been something right at a fielder. Last week Kevin realized "oh, we're allowed to hit the ball past the outfielders?" The Marlins are paitently waiting for Kevin to ask "wait, we're allowed to hit the ball over the fence?"
With a couple guys missing, the defense got jostled around a bit. Gerry Garcia moved from his usual right field starting spot to second base and was money. Gerry was in on 6 plays and got the out every chance. Gerry also had 2 hits and an RBI. Arguably this was his best game of the year for the Marlins. But the good news doesn't stop there... He's having steaks on the grill for dinner. The gas pump malfunctioned on the way home and he got 12 gallons for free. But maybe the best news of the day: Gerry picked up 100,000 S&H Green stamps at a garage sale for $1. He ought to be able to get a new toaster with those, right?
Finally, the Cub most worth mentioning is George Pfeiffer and his courtesy runners. George and his courtesy runners went 3-for-4 with 2 runs and 2 stolen bases and an RBI. By the way, George and his courtesy runners also won $180 playing poker at a bachelor party last night. And for the record, that business about the dancers over in the dark corner. That was the courtesy runners, not George.
Veterans Tim Small and Rick Maruszczak faced off in this playoff opener. In fact, they both arrived at the diamond 3 hours early and were able to fit in a game of chess. While Rick was busy winning that game too, Tim managed to empty a can of spray cheese into Rick's spikes. What seemed to be a hilarious prank turned against the good guys when Rick put his feet in his spikes. Turns out spray cheese offered exactly the support he needs for his tender toes and Rick had a marvelous game.
Let's not lose sight of the fact that Tim Small pitched a complete game allowing only 3 hits and 0 earned runs. And he did it without any performance-enhancing cheese. Probably the Marlins best pitching performance of the season. He may have thrown a no-hitter if he was on the cheese.
The Marlins did have another guy on the cheese. It was their Gold Glove catcher Chris Miller. Chris went 2-for-3 with an RBI. The only RBI of the game. After his long afternoon nap, as is his habit, Chris ate a block of Camembert cheese along with a glass of wine. Some people think Limburger is the stinkiest cheese - not by far. Camembert is in a league of it's own ... just like Chris.
The Marlins had three dramatic plays this evening. The first was Emile's nice catch at first base on a semi-wild ball. It was probably about one inch outside of Emile's standard range, but somehow he got there. The ball did not land firmly in his mitt and he had to juggle a bit before reigning it in. All while about to lose his balance. Plus he was in the baseline with a runner bearing down on him. As if that wasn't enough, this is the time that chili decided to work it's magic. Quite a bit of pressure, but Emile came through big.
Another play full of drama was Kevin Curtis in right field. If you had the sound down, you may have seen Kevin charge a fly ball, then adust to the wind and catch it confidently. If you were close enough to hear the "oh shit" after he charged in, you'd realize he completely misjudged the ball coming in, then stumbled going backwards and in a weird twist of luck he lurched back into the perfect position to catch the ball. In this case, "cheese" refers to the skin just above the boot line that's been getting concrete burned for 30 years.
Finally there was Doug Fry playing third base. There was a ball hit to his side that may have been out of reach. The ball took a Hazel-Park-Hop and deflected right into Doug's glove. You could hear him say "wow did I just get lucky" as he threw the ball to first. And no cheese involved.
So, no championship for the Marlins this year but we still sincerely toasted the season together afterwards. I feel everyone had a bit of a down year at the same time. If you took the same bunch of guys and all had an up year we would stomp the league. Tell you what, let's do that next year. It will be fun, I promise.