The weather had broken just in time. It was a beautiful opening day and the field was as good as its going to be all year. Adulations to the Grounds Crew ;)
Whence dugout was abuzz with the din of eagerness. A bawdy band of characters did assemble for a manly test of skill. 12 they were, in number - as donuts amid box. Carrying "home" designation, they did with brave spirit defend the field incipiently. Twice from the onset did shutout innings ensue as statesman Master Andy Gury, forded the mound and hurled eggs of goose forthwith. The culmination of fortitude, resolve, and an effective array of pitches did prove quite elusive.
Yea then, did follow young lads Adam (not of Biblical fame) and Andrew (not to be confused with Andy - even though he wore a GURY jersey today) to the bowling bump. As with Master Gury, a fine collection of shutout innings closed the 3 nigh innings. Let's hear it for the pitchers, "Hip Hip Horray, Hip Hip Hooray, Hip Hip Hooray!
Defensive acumen emboldened the spirit as teammates found trust in their commrades. Noteworthy achievements did boost 2 gentlemen to the forefront of attention. His Honor Lovie Crawford in marvelous fashion, as they say, "ran it down" whilst manning the center-field position. Then with flourish did hitteth thy cut-off man who made relay to 2B and completed the coveted DOUBLE PLAY.
Accolades also be bestowed upon Captain Colter. As the game grew weary, despite a double plurality of innings defending the dish, he did take station in the leftest of fields. The ensuing running catch marvelled all, least of which himself. "Who wudda thunk it?" He did exclaim when asked to verbalize the essence of the event.
The Nationals' lone run did occur during the 2nd stanza. The junior of the McWilliams clan, Sir Ian, produced such impact from bat to ball as to send the hapless left-fielder shuddering in the lights, in fear of the ball. "Double" the crowd cheered. The wildest of pitches advanced our hero from secondary to tertiary bases. With quick dispatch then, Still Not The Biblical Adam placeth the ball in such a place that iMac did toe the plate at a comfortable rate.
Several innings later, convtroversy did stir. Was said ball-in-the-lights to be categorized as "hit" or "error?" Would it not surprise you, as the only hit through 3 innings? Mets dictum was passed that shall scoreth said play an "error" in maintenance of "No Hit" status. Twas this comment directly that swayed the elder McWilliams to not only tally a pure hit, but adding salt to the wound, by selecting the tactic deemed least-gentlemanly method to spoil a contested "no-hitter," the "bunt for base hit." With comfort one would say it irked the Mets no end. Surprise be not if the next confrontation would yeiled a "hit-by-pitch" had the game not concluded a single batter from infamy, and if the Metropolitans were less-notoriously gentlemanly themselves.
Big Star, Andy Gury! 2-for-3 with a double. The brawny lad put a whooping on the ball certainly. First was a double to the gap, then a single to score our only run. This kid has taken the #3 spot seriously, leading the team in AVG just out of the gate. After the game, Andy sat with a piece of pizza roll stuck in his teeth and nobody told him. Even his mom & dad were in on it. Hilarious!
Big Star, Ben Hagen! Single, stolen base, a couple nice catches. The stolen base was awesome; it came after what seems like 30 throws to 1B by the pitcher. After the game, Ben changed into his BEARD LIVES MATTER t-shirt and told the story of his dad, when Ben was a teenager. His dad said to him one day "Ben" he said ... "Ben, today I'm going to teach you to be a man" and he ate his razor.
Big Star, Damian Muniz! Scored our only run. He led off the 6th with a single. Stole second base, and scored on Andy's single. Damian stretched before the game. It was important that everyone know. Something else to know is that Damian is also an actor. He landed the role of Huitzilopochtli in a romantic comedy called "Tenochtitlan by moonlight."
Big Star, Gabe Blanco! Literally hit third base with a sharp slapper for a single, then stole our first base of the year. Gabe held a press conference after the game where he said "After seeing Jim thrown out stealing last game, I wanted to do something nice for him. So I stole the base. I also stole this crystal clock from The Hallmark Store ... do you think he'll like it?"
Big Star, Mike Homant! Starting pitcher for the Phillies. Complete game win, 10 strikeouts. Give credit where credit is due. And speaking of credit, be sure to attend Mike's fund raiser spaghetti dinner ($75 per plate) on the 19th. The charity is Mike Wants A New Corvette. Wear deep pockets and give 'till it hurts. Then give a little more.
1 2 3 4 5 6 7 R H E Nationals 2 0 0 0 0 0 0 2 9 1 Expos 1 1 0 0 3 05 6 0
Tonight's top story: Colter with a pair of knockers! Doubles in the 1st and 6th innings led the offensive charge. Jacob was also terrific behind the plate, blocking pitches like a pro. Unfortunately, his quick snack before the game was a handful of fresh garlic. He was made to sit in the bullpen between innings, communicating only in semaphore.
Gury Goes Both Ways: Offensively, Andy offered a hit and RBI. Then pitched a perfect 2 innings, ending each inning with a strikeout. Suddenly wearing #9, he was asked to explain the change. "Well I've always felt that all existing things can be explained in 9s...it was as if the cosmos was calling to me." "That, and Jacob gave me a really nice foot rub to have#4."
Carlisle Cracks Consecutive Cannon Chots: Christain rocked the ball twice, making a statement in his first 2 PAs wearing the W. He added a flawless defensive effort. A reporter from Sports Illustrated interviewed him after the game and asked him to explain his powerful swing. CC chimed, "I'm clean, but my bat has been on steroids for 4 years."
Muñiz Sets the Table: Damian led off the 1st and 3rd innings with a hit and a walk. He scored our first run, becoming the first Natty to toe the plate twice. Good for 50% of our team's runs scored so far this season. After the game, Damian setup chairs and folding tables to seat 12, complete with table cloth, plate, bowl, 3 forks, 2 spoons, 2 knives, a goblet and a gravy boat. Muñiz Sets the Table
Blanco Gets to First Base Twice: A hit and a walk get noticed on the scoresheet. Unfortunately that beard keeps getting him noticed as a troublemaker. Twice this week Homeland Security brought him in for questioning. He got all the questions right, and was told to try out for Jeopardy! Jeopardy asked him his defining moment, and Gabe offered "...in 8th grade I made out with 2 girls in the same day."
Había muchas cosas buenas sobre el juego. Todos llegaron a la base al menos una vez, y diez jugadores llegaron a la base dos veces. Cuatro chicos lograron llegar a la base tres veces. Diez bateadores tuvieron una carrera anotada o corrieron impulsadas. Seis tuvieron ambas. Era una ofensa uniformemente dispersa, como el guacamole en una tostada.
Ben Hagen lideró el ataque con dos bases por bolas y un hit, bueno para 1 carrera y 2 carreras impulsadas. Ben aumenta su promedio a .400. Al golpear en el medio de la envoltura, Ben es la carne de la orden. Incluso llega a los juegos con ajo, cebolla y pimiento rojo en los bolsillos para condimentar.
Christian Carlise tuvo un día perfecto al bate, subiéndose a la base las 3 veces arriba. 2 éxitos, 2 carreras y una base robada. Christian lidera el equipo con un promedio de bateo de .667 en la primera temporada. Él es la salsa picante de la línea, dando sabor cuando lo necesitas.
Hunter Holt también tuvo un día perfecto con 2 hits y una caminata. Hunter anotó una carrera en la quinta entrada como uno de los table-setters. Hunter proporcionó equilibrio a la alineación de la misma manera que los tomates cortados en cubitos proporcionan un dulce equilibrio a toda esa especia.
Jim McWilliams fue el otro jugador con 2 hits. Él es bueno para el 3er en el equipo con un clip de .368. Jim es queso en el plato ... definitivamente el queso ... él es tan gouda, podría volverse pro-volone.
Jugando defensa, el equipo fue sólido. la mejor jugada no causó un "out", pero fue la más espectacular. Ian McWilliams jugaba en el campocorto y se lanzaba por el medio. Obtuvo el balón, una cara llena de suciedad y una rodilla golpeada, otros hombres solo pudieron ver pasar la pelota. Supongo que eso lo convierte en el churro.
Muchas gracias a Damian Muñiz por atrapar todo el juego en este calor, y haciendo un gran trabajo. Damian es la tortilla de harina. Él puede soportar el calor y mantiene todo unido.
Andrew VanArsdale was hot He sure struck out a lot When we were winning He'd pitched 3 great innings Then the softball games ended and we smelled pot
Joey Lawnicki tossed 3 as well 3 K's really gave them hell It was really a bitch To hit the pitch That rolled off the table and fell
Colton Rutkowski drove home our first run of the game It deserves a call out of fame It seemed we would win When he drove Adam in But the defense decided to cave
Gabe Blanco today had our first hit But his next 2 ABs were for shit But that's okay 'Cause he made a nice play In the outfield when he ran for a bit
Adam O'Brien was on base every time Scored half our runs; pretty fine He threw a ball In the sun, and all If it'd hit Jim in the face he'd be dyin'
Ian McWilliams got to the game in plenty of time, having found his missing red belt in his girlfriend's....um...never mind. He was geeked to play on the Clawson diamond because it was so close to GF's house, and all the recent renovations have improved the facilty. "It's pretty nice" he said.
Seeing the lineup posted, and noticing he was batting 3rd, Ian questioned the manager about such an honor, with such a mediocre season average. The skipper explained "I know you like fast pitchers, and I bet the A's have someone that can bring it." Ian nodded approvingly and continued his pre-game ritual.
Immediately this looked like a big day at the plate for the visiting Nationals. Ian remarked "Damian's hit in the first inning was the hardest I've seen him hit the ball...he smoked it." Ian followed 2 batters later with a laser-shot single to left, making good on the manager's prognosticative skills.
The Nationals did not tally another base-knock until the 5th inning when Andrew squeezed a single in between 3 strikeouts. Ian had just said "nobody can touch this guy" (meaning the pitcher) when Andrew stroked one "...except AV"
In the 6th inning Ian had come up to bat after Joey had drawn a walk, and Andy had our 4th hit. "Yeah, Andy ripped the ball" Ian concluded. "Glad to see he finally struck out though...turns out he's human like the rest of us."
In the 7th inning, Ian decided to take an inning off defense. He had played the entire game, and it was time to give someone else a shot. McWilliams still went out to shortstop, but this time #0. Andrew was taking the hill and Ian was eager to watch. He had heard about the dominant performance last week. Unfortunately Andrew struggled with the Clawson mound, which is ... let's say unique ... After a few batters, Andrew offered, "I can't figure out my landing on this thing, someone else go." Jim took the ball from Andrew, which Ian had assumed meant he was coming in as the closer. Jim was Ian's manager growing up, so Ian is used to his dad handing him the ball. Jim met the infield at the mound and they all seemed astonished Jim intended to pitch - and they all tried to talk him out of it. Ian had even gone to the mound expecting the call. Adam had asked "I can re-enter, right?" Colton chimed in "Ian is ready to go." Andy threw in "I can go if you need me coach." Ian's dad retorted "what am I, chopped liver?" Elder McWilliams finished the game and became the only pitcher of the day to not allow a run (of his own).
Ian had to drive fans home after the game and missed Damian tell us how he's fasting, after eating a handful of pizza rolls. He also missed Lovie's explanation "sometimes you just gotta swallow." He also missed the story of Junior Barnes. (if you were there, click the link)
Once home, Ian took a look at the scorebook and noticed some oddities. "Lovie, Joey, and my dad each had 2 walks and a strikeout." "Damian was our only player with 2 hits, plus a walk, plus it's brutal to play catcher at Clawson, looking into the sun the whole game." Ian added "if he were here right now, I'd make him a kale smoothie." Then he remembered "Joey pitched sidearm/submarine today, that was hilarious." "And he had good control doing it."
"The only thing that bummed me out," Ian exclaimed "...is that when I got home expecting to play Fortnite with my buds, the team was full and I was left holding the umbrella, so to speak." It seems Andy, Andrew, Cole, and another player we're scouting started without #6. "I'll get in soon though, I rock."
1 2 3 4 5 6 7 R H E Blue Jays 1 0 0 0 2 5 0 7 10 1 Nationals 0 0 0 0 0 1 0 1 4 4
They say it's not how you start, but how you finish. The Nationals were the last team to score, so they are declared the winners.
But alas, this is a day of mourning and we pay our final respects for one of our most beloved teammates...the Stars and Stripes bat. It served Ian as Excalibur served King Arthur. Stars and Stripes had tallied our first hit of the game; a sharp single to center with a man on, man out in the first inning. In the 4th, however, it met it's demise. Sawed off. Saddened, teammates held vigil.
Andy began a round of speeches, mentioning "I remember the first time I saw it I thought it was metal. Then it hit that walk-off grand-slam against the Bandits, and I was convinced it was magical." The men then held ales high and gave three cheers "hip, hip, hooray!" As tribute to the Bat of Destiny, Andy had followed the bat's demise with a double to the left field wall.
During the match, the combatants must not succumb to grief, they must carry on the battle. Then it was fate that brought a new club branded "Nationals" to the plate in the 7th. A man on and a man out, trailing by 6. An auspicious start for the newest Sceptre of Swat, another sharp single to center. The efforts of the 2 bats had Ian as the sole striker with 2 tallies, accounting for half the team's hits. Andy's double, and Joey's 7th inning single summed up the tally sheet.
The Nationals sole run came under the spikes of Gabe, who had walked. Jim somehow knocked him in for the RBI on a crappy grounder over by the pitcher somewhere. Maybe Gabe was on 3rd after a couple wild pitches? Don't remember. No idea what happened, he just put his head down and ran as fast as he could ... and since Jim writes the recaps, that's the best you get. He was the only guy on the field that didn't see what happened.
Now hey, gotta say, in addition to a pair of hits, our starting pitcher did a heck of a job. There was an unearned run in the first, then 3 shutout innings allowing only a hit and a walk thus far. He did wind up allowing 2 earned runs, but the last...well...Jim came in all chest-puffed and proceded to give up a no-doubt home run, easily scoring the run that had singled. If our "next" pitcher had pitched instead, that guy probably gets stranded.
Our "next" pitcher after Jim was Andy, who is getting quite used to all the press attention. He's doing Sports Illustrated "The Body" next weekend. He finished with a shutout inning of his own.
Taquitos and corn on the cob was the fare at the team meeting. The baking sheet is really making a difference, keeping the snacks from burning. We were congratuled on our fine festivities by one of the full-time softball coaches. We offered him a chair, but he declined saying that he only eats kosher taquitos and Amish Butter Popcorn CN177 on the cob...then waddled off like Charlie Chaplin whistling.
The biggest story of the day was Joey Lawnicki mowing down the Dodgers for 3 innings. #13 gets the first victory of the season. His first two innings were masterful...no hits, 3 Ks. The final inning he was untouchable with the game on the line. HBP and a hit were inconsequential, but the tying run coming to the plate was a big deal. From there Joey was his best, forcing 2 weak grounders and a strikeout as an exclamation mark to end the game. There was confusion after the game when Jim wrote "wanna be closer?" on the white-board, and Joey gave him a hug. "I meant pitch relief and get saves!" the accosted skipper squeamed. (Joey also had 2 hits and 2 runs scored - awesome day)
Andy Gury was the starter. He pitched 4 bulldog innings, having the lead for much of it. Andy was the unlucky recipient of 4 unearned runs and deserved a better fate. In addition to a fine pitching performance, he was on base all 5 trips to the plate. His strategy today was to get on base with as many different ways possible. He tallied a HBP, walk, fielder's choice, 2 hits, and even advanced on an error. He said later, "if it went to extra innings, I was going to lean back and smack Alex's mitt with my bat, for catcher's interference." Alex overheard and executed a brilliant reach-around nutpunch. Andy was wearing a cup and just laughed.
Christian Carlisle really brought the bacon today. In the 2nd inning, his bases-loaded double gave the Nats a comfortable lead. He got the 7th inning rally started with a walk and run. After the game we sat around the grill. Jim brought chicken nuggets, and Christian brought bacon.
Jacob Colter had a rough morning, convincing his parents he was well enough to play. His mother insisted, "boys can be rough, you should stay away from the playground until your ankle is all better." "Aww...but mom!" They came along to keep an eye on him. Jacob really put on a show. His double knocked in our first run. He added 2 more hits going 3-for-4. Jacob couldn't stay after the game, he had to get his parents to the airport before the street lights went on.
Damian Muñiz had a big day at the plate with 3 hits of his own. After fasting for several days, the team got him some treats. Sitting around the grill, he was offered refreshments. He took a brownie, but turned down the Coke and stuck with water. "It makes my teeth feel funny." "...and I already feel funny about these chicken legs, don't need the teeth too."
Say hello to the new Nationals good luck charm, Robbie Brenay. In his first game in the red white and blue, he knocks home the go-ahead run in the final inning. The Nats are undefeated with him in the lineup. The debut was so auspicious, the Vegas odds jumped from 400-1 to 16-1 for the Nats to win the MSBL championship. Robbie even walked from the parking lot to the diamond in bunny slippers. 2 rabbits' feet...what could be luckier?
Everyone was in on the action at the plate. Ian had a hit and bases-loaded HBP, 2 runs and an RBI. Gabe was on base twice, had a hit, stole a base, and scored the tying run in the 7th inning. Jim was on base 3 times, contributed the game-tying RBI, had a stolen base, and scored the go-ahead run in the 7th.
Dan Gury was keeping score and very amusing. He was a hit and had 2 long walks.
1 2 3 4 5 6 7 R H E Nationals 1 1 0 0 0 0 1 3 7 1 Team USA 2 4 2 1 0 5 2 16 17 0
It was a nail-biter all the way to the end...an epic back-and-forth battle with one team taking an advantage and the other responding in kind. On one hand, you had the Nationals' starting pitcher, Jim McWilliams only lasting 4 batters before getting the hook. On the other hand, the Nationals knocked out Team USA's starting pitcher Riki Maruszczak while he was still warming up. Edge, Nationals.
Adam O'Brien pulled the long relief assignment and shut out USA for the rest of the inning. The Nationals came to bat against USA's replacement pitcher and scored a run. Damian Muñiz added to his team-leading hit total with a sharp drive in the first. He stole 2nd and took 3rd on Ben Hagen's hit. Ben stole 2nd and Ian McWilliams tallied the 3rd laser shot for an RBI single. Edge, Nationals.
Adam pitched a shutout 5th inning, helped by some outstanding defense. Jim flahed his 42" vertical to rob Cory Luke of a hit single. A strikeout, then Andy Gury caught an unbelievable pop up. Mark Feeny had popped up a fastball with such quick bat speed that he hit the ball well above the lights. The ball achieved terminal volocity and rocketed down on Andy. It was such a high pop-op, Andy and Nats third-sacker Joey Lawnicki had time to discuss venereal diseases. Joey mentioned syphillis; Andy quickly shouted "I got it!" and caught the pop up.
In stark contrast to the 1-2-3 5th inning, the Nationals mounted another rally in the 2nd inning. Edge, Nationals.
Colton Rutkowsi knocked a 2-out double with 2 outs and the bases empty. It was a thing of beauty. It was so beautiful, in fact that the USA players on the bench were reaching for their bottles of Jerkins Hand Lotion. Adam masterfully drew a walk, out-guiling USA's 0-out reliever, Mark Wojda on 4 straight pitches. Joey belted a waist-high fastball for an RBI single. Exit speed velocity was estimated at 101.1, WRIF...Baby!
Ben Hagen had 3 stolen bases, Team USA had one. Edge, Nationals.
In the 7th inning it was still anyone's game. Ben Hagen put on a show. He came up with his new bat, ready to break Jim's windshield. His stance was so fierce it intimidated the USA closer who issued a base on balls. With amazing display of speed, Ben stole 2nd and advanced to third on the throw down to 2nd. The first player in MSBL history to be awarded 2 stolen bases on the same throw. The next pitch went wild, and Ben scored before the ball hit the backstop.
Christian Carlisle batted .500 today and lowered his batting average. Conversely, all the Team USA batters that hit .500 today raised their batting averages. Shows you where he's coming from. Edge, Nationals.
Hats off to Team USA. They played a perfect game in the field and hit the snot out of the ball. On the field they are a fun-loving lot. Despite the stress of such a close game, both teams were joking and in good spirits. Fun game, thanks guys. Umpires too; they could see how much fun we were having and called the game to accomodate the fun. And we had a few fans, they added to the fun, there was some cheering when Robbie Brenay made a long running catch into the fence in center field, and a little bit of cheering from the other side when USA finally got their first hit. And it really got fun when the tiny car came on the field and 18 midget clowns got out...good times!
Pitching. Awesome. Let's just stick to that. Ian McWilliams started, Joey Lawnicki relieved, 1 earned run between them. The defense made them work hard in the heat, but that's a good thing since they both applied for the Dancing Bear job opening.
Ian was a master of changing speeds inducing weak contact - only 2 outfield putouts recorded. The only walk allowed was the lead-off batter. It took this long to learn the unique strike zone. Once learned, no more free passes and no more earned runs.
Joey was a master of deception inducing weak contact - only 2 outfield putouts recorded. The only walk allowed was the lead-off batter in the 6th inning. It took this long to learn the Cubs really didn't want to swing. Once learned, no more free passes and no earned runs.
The Nats offense had a lot of runners on base. However, in 13 plate appearances with runners in scoring position, Only Andy Gury, and Gabe Blanco came through with hits, Joey drew a bases-loaded walk for an RBI. The rest of the lineup...um...didn't. We did steal 4 bases. Damian Muniz had a pair, and each McWilliams swiped a sack. Colton also swiped a sack, but that was a sack of potatoes from the galley, and has nothing to do with the game.
The defense wilted in the heat, but did feature Ian displaying his 43" vertical to rob Donavon Travis of a line single. If you recall, Jim had made a 42" vertical the game before. Ian had to repeat. Just as he repeated the stolen base Jim had earlier in the game. It seems like whatever Jim tallies, Ian comes right back with one of his own. "I just wish he'd start hitting dingers" the junior Mac chimed.
Blue Jays Win Game, Nationals Win Comedy Punch-out
1 2 3 4 5 6 7 R H E Nationals 0 0 0 0 3 0 1 4 5 3 Blue Jays 2 4 6 3 0 1 16 10 2
In a battle of wits after the baseball game, the Nationals upset the birds in a comedy punch-out. The Nationals rattled off 15 jokes in a row, and the Blue Jays had no response. Winner, Nationals! Those in attendance remember such punchlines as "the brick" "not Suzy" and "he gives me a Snickers."
First let's highlight a couple Blue Jays performances. The catcher got dinged by a bat a couple times...maybe his name was Dan? 00? He said he was fine after the game. You don't want that to happen to anyone. But he looked happy leaving. A stretch limo pulled up and the side door opened slowly. As the door opened more you heard the music get louder...a very pedestrian disco beat. When the door opened fully, you saw it was a tiny disco with midgets dancing. Dan left his knee pads on and jumped in, dancing on his knees until the wee hours of the morning.
Blue Jays' slugger Justin Chandler drew 4 walks in his 4 trips to the plate. Pat mentioned Justin's arm might be sore from his masterpiece Saturday and maybe he didn't want to swing, but Justin would hear none of that nonsense. "No" he said "if I don't get sweaty I might get lucky."
And now the moment you've all been waiting for...the NATIONALS highlights.
Jacob Colter...man! The team had 5 hits, JC had 3 of them, and all barreled-up balls. Scored a couple runs, plus he played a helluva catcher. Jacob's ankel is definitely getting better. He even demonstrated a plie, releve and saute right after the game. That was fine, but he didn't have to change into a 1-piece leotard to do it...what is that, cauliflower?
The biggest hitting barrage was back-to-back rips by Ian and Andy in the 7th inning, both directly at outfielders. No hits, but impressive exit velocity on both. And speaking of "velocity," have you heard about the company Ian and Andy started? It's called the velo-SIT-ee. A person sits on a block of soft clay naked, and makes in imprint of their ... um ... sitting side. This is then used as a mold to create a motor cycle seat...complete with a junk-drawer.
Ian and Colton had the two non-Jacob hits, and that was it for the offense. Well, Ian's last joke was pretty offensive. But Colton's anectote was amusing. He originally said "I'm an Air Force mechanic, so I might work on fighter jets." Then he corrected himself and said "actually we're working on the planes that refuel the fighter jets." Then corrected himself again and said "actually, I make the tools that the mechanics use to work on the planes that refuel the fignter jets." Then finally finished with "actually my real name is Bjorn Svensin, I found this Air Force ID and it kind of looks like me."
Another statistical oddity. Adam O'Brien pitched middle relief. He surrendered hits to Kevin and Nick, the most badass of the Blue Jays Badasses. Did you know there is no steroid use in MSBL, just players Kevin has breathed on. And Nick's tears cure cancer...but he's never cried. So after giving up the hits, Adam faced another 10 batters yielding fewer than 1 hit. ...do the math in your head... that's 0.
Robbie Brenay had a much better inning pitched this go round. He attributed the improved control to wearing only 1 wrist taped, "See, the science of compression tells us that improved metaphoric aphorisms are likely due to increased hypo-aerobic-consumption - which is common during the tenons of hurling, if not the issuance of the orb itself." And everyone said "huh?"
Today was Joey Lawnicki bobble-head day at Fraser High School. The first 10,000 in attendance took home this attractive trinket. The pose is Joey with Jim's backup bat over his shoulder, his glove stuck on the barrel, and gum in his beard. We had a huge crowd on a "lovely" Sunday morning and the bobble-heads were "sold out" by 8:30am. After all, it was Joey pitching and batting 3rd ... and he certianly didn't disappoint. Cementing his standing as ace of the staff, Joey was consistently over 2,500 spin rate on all his pitches, and was touching 93 on the radar gun. He threw 116 pitches for 124 strikes. He only allowed 4 hits in a 7-inning complete game win, with only 1 earned run allowed.
Today was also Damian Muñiz' birthday. The "Damian's Dames" section was completely sold out. The enthusiastic crowd brandished signs and passed out tofu crisps in his honor. Damian managed a pair of hits and runs scored. Press waited outside the dugout for him, but he snuck out the back way. He had a date with a 6' tall cake and a Speedo.
The top 6 Nats batters all had 2 hits each, except for the cleanup hitter, Colton Rutkowski, who had 3. Colton also reached on error, giving him 4 times on base, equalling Hunter Holt. Hunter tallied a hit and 3 walks. As a bonding experience at the post-game picnic, Colton and Hunter whispered to each other and giggled, then disappeard behind the boat for several minutes. They returned wearing Muskateer costumes shouting "For D'Artagnan" then lunged and riposted their way actross 15 Mile Road.
The Tigers' MVP was "Hairy" Mihas. His in-game banter was like listening to someone pee for a VERY long time...it becomes amusing just because it goes on for so long. He began the game wearing #18, but ended the game wearing #1.8 due to "wearing one" in his 2nd trip to the plate.
Jacob Kahn also had a big day for the home team. Jacob drew a pair of walks, stole 4 bases, and scored twice. The "Jacob Kahn Fan Bus" arrived full of adoring MILFs and Jacob scored twice again.
1 2 3 4 5 6 7 R H E National 0 1 1 0 0 0 3 5 9 2 Cubs 0 0 2 2 0 0 2 6 14 1
It was Cass River Bats, and everyone else today. Joey Lawnicki got the ball rolling, as it were, by using the Cass River Bat Nats' team Maple. He burned an outfielder for a lead-off double in the 2nd. "There are like 5 of us guys just strokin' with that thing." "Ewww...that didn't sound right"
Troy Badgerow started the dinger-party by hitting a bomb to left; the Nats' first dinger of the year. Troy had just purchased a Cass River Bat just prior to the game. "I tell ya, that bat's da bomb! ... now if you'z s'cuse me ..." Troy proceeded to setup a disco ball and bowl of Chex Mix, to get the next party started.
After a back and forth game, the Good Guys found themselves trailing by a pair in the 7th. They had the meat of the order coming up, and meaty it was. Ian McWilliams has an exclusive contract, being sponsored by Cass River Bats. Sticking with the NATIONALS logo bat, Ian hit a bomb to nearly the same place as Troy, for the teams 2nd home run of the game, and season for the 'Tionals." Ian explained, "well with my girlfriend in prison, it's just been me and my bat...and I love that bat."
The next contestant in Cass River Bats Play the Fences was Terry Weathers, the Cubs' most respected hitter. Terry was recently presented the Tiger Woods Award by the league, in recognition of his attitude "I'll hit that every day!" In the bottom of the 7th inning, with his team trailing by 2, T-Wet decided it was time for the Hickory Cass River Bat he keeps in stock. Terry put his usual good swing on the ball and one-hop singled off the wall in left. Exit velocity was estimated to be 99.9; the highest possible number for any opponent of the Nationals.
Hats off to the Dodgers for playing clean defense. Nats...not so much. 7 unearned runs tarnished what otherwise would have been a tight game. Paranormal investigators from The Discovery Channel immediately began an taking measurements. "We see unusual electro-magenetic fluxuations around the field" a field-tech commented. hmmm....
Nat pitching was good. Adam O'Brien spelled Andrew VanArsdale when the arm wasn't feeling right. Adam threw 3 innings with 0 ER. Ian and Jim McWilliams followed suit with 0 ER each to finish the game. Adam bested Jim 2-1 in shutout innings. Adam also bested Jim 2-1 inches in the receding hairline competition.
Jacob Colter led the offense with another perfect day. A hit and 2 walks produced our only 2 runs. Yesterday Jacob suddenly adopted an all-vegan, high-fiber diet...that produced 2 runs during the game also. Ewww...
Our first run-producing hero was Andy Gury. Andy had been on a Fortnite binge of 28 hours when he realized it was time to go play ball. "I'll sit out" when it was time to play defense. But facing the Dodgers hard-throwing pitcher was just what he needed to wake up. Andy drove home Jacob with a hard-hit single. Andy also had to drive Jacob home after the game. Well, you know Jacob couldn't really sit to drive after the runs...he had to lay on his stomach and SQUEEZE!
The final run-producing hero was Ian McWilliams. He has just broken the Nationals logo bat in the first inning, and he was sad because he loved that bat. Coincidentally, CassRiverBats(.com) had a rep at the field and offered a duplicate bat. "Yeah, I'll take it." then he poked a double past the left fielder for an RBI. "I love this bat!" he quickly declared, and stroked it gingerly - at first...
Jim had the only other hit with a bunt. Third base coach Andy Gury said "I didn't give him the bunt sign, I was on my phone ordering a BUNDT cake from Kroger Bakery." Andy added, "Well, you can't go wrong with Jim bunting, and you can't go wrong with Kroger Bakery bundt cakes. Kroger Bakery offers good-quality baked goods at an affordable price."
Jim and Ian turned the first father-son double play in Walgreen's Nationals history. It was the most perfectly-executed move since Henry VIII did away with Ann Boleyn.
The league's umpire assigner knew there are a lot of buddies on both teams, so they treated us to an all-star duo of umpires that did a great job. The umpires also won the "stay out the latest drinking in the parking lot" game, so hats off to ya's.
The Nationals could not field a legal team, so the Tigers stepped up and filled the void - AND they brought beer - Winners! They pitched in 5 hits and a walk, good for 4 runs. The Nats and D'Backs both thank you, we wouldn't have a game without you.
The entire Nat's lineup contributed big to the scoring. Every batter had at least a run or an RBI...most has multiples of both. The Hit Parade leader was Troy Badgerow...given the #4 spot due to his recent dinger he responded with 3 hits. "Hits man, dat's where it's at." "When things get crazy and you'z feelz like you'z goin' outsa yow mind, you just need some hits" Troy said.
Kyle Booher of the Diamondbacks matched the feat with 3 hits of his own (plus a walk). "All the time I've played, I wanted to be as good as Troy, and today I am. It's a dream come true."
The tone of the game was set in the first inning. Andrew Mersman was the Diamondbacks starting pitcher. A couple errors led to a lot of unearned runs and made him throw far too many pitches in one inning. Once he got a chance to catch his breath, he was terrific for a few innings, shutting out the Nats 1-2-3 in the second and 3rd. "Well, you know after my stint in Jackson I've learned to handle getting raped by 'The D.'" "It's nothing an ice pack and shot can't fix. We got ice and shots in the parking lot...I'm good."
Ian and Jim McWilliams both got on base all 4 trips to the plate. They were also the battery today with Jim hurling and getting the win. Ian caught, and called the pitches. Later, it was Jim that called the shots and tossed Ian the keys. Jim had a couple manly refreshements and directed the 20-year-old clean-livin' slugger to drive...which relegated Jim to sit on the floor crammed between the two middle seats of a minivan...surrounded by 4 sweaty dudes...ewwww
Ian managed something quite unusual getting 2 hits in the same at-bat. When the Nationals had batted around in the 1st inning, he roped a drive down the left field line in his 2nd at-bat. Almost to the outfield grass, the ball touched ground with a puff of white chalk, right on the line. "Foul!" was the call by the home-plate umpire. The field ump was invited to see the ball mark in the chalk. "I didn't make that call" he said. Ian responded by hitting a 300-foot blast over the left-fielder's head for a 2 RBI double. The ump added "there, he'd rather have that hit anyway."
Colton Rutkowski had a heck of a day when handed the leadoff spot. 3-for-4 with 3 runs scored. "Well you see, this game all boils down to whoever scores the most runs wins; and today I scored the most runs...I'm the Winner!" Colton ripped open his jersey to reveal the famous Charlie Sheen "winning" t-shirt.
Jamie Duncan was on base 3 times for the Diamondbacks. 2 hits and a walk out of the #4 slot for his team. "Of course I'm the logical choice to bat 4th. Everyone else either suffers from Hallux Rigidus, Onychomycosis, or Encephalic Voiditis." He would also be the only person that would know what any of those are without looking them up. He also insisted we mention his pitching performance netting the final of 3 shutout innings the D'backs tossed, plus another inning with 0 earned runs. We lobbied for him to get the start...maybe next time D'b management will take notice.
Adam O'Brien and Eric Toysa were each on base three times as well. Eric's 2 hits and a walk matched Adam's. Wouldn't you know it, they wear matching Bike (tm) Athletic Supporters. How 'bout that? Adam also had an interesting day on the mound. He faced one batter and struck him out..then got pulled. "It's called a one-and-tug." "And since I'll be getting home after midnight on a Friday, there's going to be another one-and-tug a little later."
Clint Berryman tallied a pair of hits, scored a run and knocked in a run, whilst Gabe Blanco turned a FC and BB into 2 Rs and an RBI. After the game, they enjoyed a crisp and refreshing Sierra Nevada Pale Ale. One ale, two straws. Awkward, but even.
The Nationals/Tigers also won the parking lot endurance test with. By the time the Diamondbacks evacuated the parking lot, about 11:50, only 1 Nat/Tiger had left. Now that's a double whammy!
Odd fact, at the end of the game, the Nationals right-side of the infield was a combined 44 years old, but the left side of the infield was 104 years old. How do I make that any funnier than it already is?
1 2 3 4 5 6 7 R H E Brewers 0 1 0 0 1(1) 2 5 1 Nationals 0 0 1 0 1 ? 2 9 2
The Brewers had taken the lead in the top of the 6th when the rain came and quickly washed us out. We reverted back to the previous complete inning which was tied. In the previous Brewers/Nationals game rain washed out a 5-1 lead for the Nationals. We each were leading games when rain ended the contest, so it's appropriate to get a tie.
Hats off to the pitchers - you guys were excellent! It was Adam O'Brien going for the home Nationals, with family up from Ohio to see a stellar performance. And it was Dan Smith toeing the rubber for the visiting Brewers. Dan was money with runners on base. Dan didn't have anyone come to see him play. :(
Adam's fastball was overpowering at times. Adam also had a garlic sandwich on garlic bread for dinner, so he overpowered the Nationals dugout as well. Meanwhile, Dan was masterful running the inside curveball for called strikes - and he had the hit that knocked Adam from the mound. Dan's jubilation was short-lived after the game when he found he had been pranked, and his truck had been wrapped in 50 boxes of Saran Wrap, then shot with paintballs.
The batting highlights include the usual names at the top of the order. Damian Muniz had a hit and scored our first run. Jacob Colter was on base all 3 trips. Ian McWilliams had a pair of hits for both RBIs ... but it was Robbie Brenay that took the bull by the horns leading off the 5th when we needed a run to tie. Robbie hit a bullet for a double leading off our final at-bats, then eventually scored the tying run. Just before he batted, Robbie was on the on-deck circle rubbing his hands together saying "yeah....I'm gonna get me some of that!"
Other Nats with hits include Colton Rutkowski, Joey Lawnicki, Hunter Holt and Adam O'Brien with a double. For the Brewers, Evan Morin, Joe Vavro, and Brian Conner had big days. Well, I think so anyway...the scorebook was a little goofed-up, so you guys could have actually been crap...I guess we'll never know.
This may possibly have been the last game Jacob Colter gets to play with us. It's been great having the MO-fo on the Nats. Foremost a great hitter, also a great catcher, then really good at absolutely everything else. Live long and prosper!
1 2 3 4 5 6 7 R H E Nationals 1 1 3 7 0 12 13 1 Giants 1 0 0 0 1 2 5 4
Both teams were a little short to start the game, so we waited 20 minutes to see if any tall guys would show up. Instead we pulled a 180 and brought Breann McWilliams to play, subbing for manager Jim. All of 5'2" she volunteered to play with the Giants when the Nationals could field 9. Breann managed to end the Nationals rally in the first inning by making a highlight-reel play on a ball by Christian, perhaps the Nats most-feared clubber. It put the fear of God into Christian (too obvious?) and he had a hard time recovering from the ignominy. "I'm considering joining the clergy" he said afterwards. "Which religions let preachers dance?"
The most-awesome player on the field today was Joey Lawnicki. Joey commanded the strike zone the way Schwarzkopf commanded Desert Storm...with a stern glare and probably a couple cuties over by the tent.
Damain Muñiz found his long-lost twin sister. She noticed the name on the jersey and was intrigued and started a conversation. Damian finally figured out why he's been having cramps once a month.
Guys like to read their names when they have good games, but honestly that's just too many guys. All the Nats at least scored or had an RBI. In addition the top 4 in the Giants' lineup deserve mention. So with too many names to rattle off, the Pick The Stick winner with 8 points is Gabe Blanco. Gabe tallied 2 hits and a walk, a double, a run, and 3 RBI. For the first time in several games, Gabe did not tally a stolen base. "I took 2 Cialis last night and it still hasn't gone down. I have to tuck it down my leg, and I can't bend my left knee. It forces me to hit with a firm front side, but I can't run or slide." "...but I kinda like it."
Classic pitcher's duel, except the 3rd inning. There was no wind at all, and Brandon Barrett, the Expos' starter, developed a bad case of gas and contaminated the mound. Both he and Nationals' hurler Andy Gury became nauseas until the cloud fully dissapated. It pushed Andy over the edge. After one batter in the 4th, he began to get dizzy and removed himself from the mound. As soon as he made it to the third base postion, he was recovering. Joey Lawnicki volunteered "I don't mind farts...I actually like some of them." Joey allowed hits to the first 2 batters and it was getting to him as well. He began flapping his arms wildly; we all thought he wss trying to get The Wave started, but he was fanning off the mound. It worked, from that point on he allowed only 1 more base runner the rest of the game. It also helped Brandon, who came back with 2 shutout innings after the gas had been fanned away.
Both teams only had 4 hits. The Nats went like this...Ryan led off the game with a sharp single the opposite way. He came around to score on Andy Gury's hit. Andrew VanArsdale had a single in the 4th that knocked Damian to 3rd, but we couldn't bring them home. Finally, Ryan tallied his 2nd hit of the game with an infield single in the 6th. He advanced to second on 3 errors (the gas cloud had cleared the mound, but was now hovering near second base). Then he finally scored on a wild pitch.
The Expos striker that dinged 2 of the team's 4 hits was Brad Wheatley. Brad got the 5-run third inning started with a single, then clubbed a double in the 4th with Ben Bloomgren on base. It was lucky Brad could play with us today, the state police finally removed the ankle tether at 9:00 this morning...just in time to make the game.
Hats off to the Natties for playing an error-free game, it's a rare thing these days so be proud of that. It appears the pre-game meditation works. So to all the guys that missed today, be sure to bring your patchouli insense next game.
Another hats off to the umps. They had a perfect day in the sun by going the entire game without any contested calls. Scotty had a perfect strike zone. They really stole the show just after the game by re-enacting the final brawl scene from Slaphot, with Scotty playing Ned Braden.
1 2 3 4 5 6 7 R H E A's 4 1 3 1 1 3 12 6 2 Nationals 0 0 0 3 0 4 7 11 8
A's made too many errors, but the Nats made way more. The Earned Run score of the game was 6-1 in favor of the Nationals, as well as the hits, 11-6. Despite the commedy of errors, there was good morale on both sides ... which eventually led to a combo party in the parking lot with a barrel of ale and 20 guys (and one girl) singing Viking drinking songs.
Between innings Christian Carlisle, Ian McWilliams and Andy Gury were all doing Snoop Dogg impressions. Then they all came up to bat and smoked doubles (I don't know if "smoking doubles" is actually a thing, but I figure if it is, Snoop Dogg would do it).
A few of the A's hit the ball hard also, but nobody cares about some weirdo first-place team. Max Mohring smacked a double but was bested by Misch and Wahl who each hit triples to the right-center field fence. Max was also bested by their soaring tenors during the drinking songs. "Boy that Emerson has really got a voice, eh?" Max swooned.
Pitching highlights: Nats threw 6 pitchers in 6 innings and only allowed 1 earned run...and that was in the most amusing inning of the game. Andrew VanArsdale was Jeckyl and Hyde, Heat Miser and Snow Miser, gold and turd. He gave up the only earned run of the game, walking 4. However, around those walks, he struck out the side. Fair to say he was unhittable, there were no balls put into play. "No balls in play, that's the way I like it" Andrew shouted, then reached down to rub his dog's belly.
Ian McWilliams pitched the only inning without a hit or walk. His success had him wishing he could go longer. "I know I can go longer" Ian explained "it's easy, when I want to go longer I just think about baseball."
The best defensive play of the game was Colton Rutkowski making a backhand play up the middle when he was at second base. He really had this backhand thing down today, because he was handing out backhanded compliments too. "No no, the extra weight looks good on you" he said to David. "Hey Bill, you don't smell bad today." and "Jason, you really know how to hide your receding hairline."
The game started great for the visiting Nationals. Joey Lawnicki was leading the team in wins and ERA and it was his game to start at his home field. Joey graduated from Grosse Pointe North High School...this is HIS field. He related several stories about the grounds. "Under this tree is where I first kissed a girl." "Under the football stands is where I groped my first ta-ta" "...and that door over there is the first time I pooped in a bag, lit it on fire, knocked on the door, and ran away...lotta good memories here."
Star pitcher Anthony Juliano took the hill for the Mets and ran a 4-inning shutout streak. He was touched for single runs in the 1st and 6th. AJ was touched for several runs the night before after having 3 pieces of mom's prune pie with a glass of prune juice.
Natties' leadoff batter, Colton Rutkowski, surprised the Mets by leading off the game with a long belt for a double. Ian McWilliams duplicated the longness of beltitude with a shot down the left field line. But the Nats got caught with their pants down when we had no coach at 3rd base and Colton had to hold.
Andy Gury, the Nats' cleanup hitter, came through with an infield single to score Colton. Ian who was on 2nd, had to hold with the grounder to the third baseman. For the second straight PA, the Nats had a runner advance fewer bases than the batter.
In the 4th inning, we sent subs to play defense because one of those two guys (not telling who) had to take a dump something fierce. He went to the restroom, but it was locked...so this guy snuck around back and pooped in a paper bag.
It was the 6th inning where AJ found his undoing. Breann McWilliams (wearing 35 Young jersey) produced an RBI in a bases-loaded 2-out situation for the Nationals' 2nd run. Breann explained "It's my triceps. I flex those and distract the pitcher...works every time."
Defensively, two plays stand out. The first is the bare-handed play Alex Parthem made on a bunt leading off the 2nd inning. "I knew the runner was fast, so I had to risk it; all or nothing." This play began AJ's string of scoreless pitching. "That Alex, he's such a sweetheart. He always knows how to bring me joy" AJ smiled and batted his eyelashes.
The Nationals' stand-out play didn't yeild an out, but it was impressive none the less. Ian made a back-hand stop deep in the hole and made a strong one-hop throw to first. The throw was on target, but the first baseman was handcuffed and couldn't hold on. When asked about the level of his game, Ian explained "I think it's called a Reverse Lock." "Does anyone have a paper bag?"
Stat-watch: Colton is now 6th (.415), and Ian is 9th (.396) in league AVG. "As hot as Ian and I have been lately, one of us is sure to win the batting title," Colton chirped. "We got this in the bag."
Team USA tops Nationals on Colton Rutkowski Bobblehead Night
1 2 3 4 5 6 7 R H E Nationals 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 6 3 Team USA 0 5 3 4 1 13 10 0
The first 1,000 fans to attend tonight's game received a commemorative "Joltin' Colton" Bobblehead. Second-hand report came in that 2 ladies in the crowd were swooning over the Nationals' current batting leader. Report says that both ladies were quoted of saying "isn't he the cutest thing?" One of the ladies was patting his head and the other was feeling his muscles. Rumor has it they were his mom and girlfriend - we're trying to determine which of the ladies patted him on the head. Colton had a nice hit leading off the 4th inning and cited "all that cheering...I'm touched."
On the grim side, Team USA's John Mansfield had subbed for the Nationals just a few days earlier and we sure appreciate his effort. Today he was treated to a hard pick-off throw smack on the jaw. Being a badass, he took 2nd on the play and demanded to stay in the game despite bleeding all over the field. After he scored, John's mom came to the dugout and dragged him away by the earlobe to the hospital.
Riki Maruszczak replaced John in the lineup and performed relief pitching duties. He hit well and pitched well until HIS mom came onto the field and dragged him away by the earlobe for hitting a girl.
Robbie Brenay was the star of the Nationals on the stat sheet. In addition to going 2-for-2, Robbie was the starting pitcher. He started with a shutout inning, and followed with a 0 Earned Run inning. Robbie had to borrow pants and socks to play. The socks did not reach the pants, and he had no underwear or sliding shorts. The waist drawstring was chafing down inside and things quickly went south.
With Robbie feeling the burn in the 3rd inning, Mark Wojda hit a no-doubt bomb to right-center. Is that his first homer? We don't know; Team USA doesn't record stats. We don't know if they're lazy, overly-private, or if this is some sinister plot.
Joey Lawnicki had the best day at the plate for the Nationals. Joey made his catching debut today and made a lot of nice blocks of pitches in the dirt. He also was on base all 3 trips, with a hit and 2 walks. He did so much yelling that he lost his voice. After the game he tried to say hello to Colton's mother, but she thought Joey said "you ho" and dragged him off the field by the earlobe.
The best defensive play of the game was a borrowed player. Natties were short, so we had Eric Toysa in his native center field. Eric went back and to his left on a ball that had some impressive carry. He caught it stretched out, back to the infield. The dive knocked the wind out of him, but it came back eventually. "Long running plays are the most fun part of the game" Eric explained. "They are more fun than a barrel of monkeys...and I have a barrel of monkeys, they're great. All those opposable digits and prehensile tails that like to fondle everything."
TeamUSA speedster Colin McGeen was coaching third base and apparentely giving a sign that involves flexing both wrists. USA Manager Dominic Padovini explains "That's not a sign, he's just used to being "the skiier" with a couple dudes sitting on either side of him."
Andrew VanArsdale entered the game as a relief pitcher and struck out the first three batters he faced. From there, everything went downhill. After holding it for too long, he wet his drawers. His face suddenly broke out in acne between innings. Then he got the text that his mom got special permission to come live with him in the dorm at GVSU. By the time he went to pitch the next inning he was a complete mess. After walking the first batter on 4 pitches, Andrew walked off the field and kept repeating "giblets in gravy, please."
USA's Pat Masopust singled in the 4th inning putting runners at first and third. After several pitches with a very short lead, Nationals first Baseman Jim McWilliams asked "Didn't you get the memo that first and third is an automatic steal?" To which the slugger replied "If I run I might get sweaty and if I slide I'll get dirty for sure. My mom does my laundry and she would drag me away by the earlobe."
The first inning explosion by the Giants pretty much sealed the game, which made the little victories more memorable. The Giants had a few highlights that will stick in the Nationals' memory also...and we're not talking about the henna extensions Steve Pistono had sewn in today...no, we're talking noteworthy hits and plays.
Memory #1 for the 'Nals was Robbie in the leadoff spot getting on base all 3 trips, 2 stolen bases and 2 hits. Stealing his first base, his slide ripped his pants. Good thing for smiley-face Joe Boxers otherwise we would have all been traumatized. Funny thing is Robbie either didn't mind, or didn't notice, because he just played with it like that.
Memory #2 would be the great scoop Joey Lawnicki made playing first base. The throw from the shortstop was on line, but low and took a short hop. The field gave a true hop and Joey snared it. Just to be funny, after the game Joey took the snare drum he had in his truck and told jokes. At the end of every punch line he played a flam on the snare...Joey snared it again.
Memory #3 had to be Jim McWillliams pitching relief and shutting out the Giants in the majority of innings he pitched. He also managed to get on base twice, steal two bases, and score our first run. Jim attributed clean living to his success. "Did I say clean living? I meant having a clean living room" Jim explained.
Memory #4 goes to the Giants' David Duva who hit the only dinger of the game. Just barely over the 233 marker in right-center field. Oh yeah, we were playing on the girls' softball diamond.
Memory #5 is the catch Marc Salah made in the 7th inning. A little flare that seemed to be heading into no-man's-land, but Marc outran it in spectacular fashion. Rather than celebrate such an heroic putout with machismo, Marc instead setup a card table and started a game of chess with Joe Williams.
Memory #6, Joe kept playing chess and pitched to the final batter from his chair. He struck out the final batter by throwing 7 consecutive changeups, for his 7th K of night. Unfortunately, Joe's a terrible chess player; Marc mated him in 7 moves.
Quite a nice pitcher's duel. Ben Szczepanski "took the hill" for the home Phillies. Ben was there an hour before the game with a shovel and a wheelbarrow. He hauled away the pitchers mound in his truck. Not deterred pitching off the flat, Ian McWilliams "toed the rubber" for the visting Nationals. And by "toed the rubber" I mean ... <instert your own joke here>
Ben and Ian had remarkably similar pitching lines. Complete games, 5 hits allowed, 2 reached on errors. They also have very similar pick-up lines "Behold, my awesomeness is upon you!" to "Behold, my awesomeness up in you!" Neither really works...
Both teams had exactly one batter get two hits. Colton Rutkowski for the Nats and Mike Homant for the Phils. Colton, of course is receiving alot of attention these days in his batting crown chase (now at .400), as well as his all-cheese diet. Last week he was on Good Morning America and explained he loves cheese, but hates all the enemas.
Mike, known as a good hitter and better pitcher, was also on Good Morning America last week. He and a group of like-minded individuals took off their shirts and picketted City Hall, irate that they were denied a license to operate a male topless club. "They tried to pull some legal mumbo-jumbo and tell me I don't need a license for men to be topless." Mike commented, "...but they're just setting me up for a raid when they need the PR."
Nationals' pitching is becoming formidible just in time for the playoffs (note to self, next year make the playoffs). Joey Lawnicki allowed only 4 hits through 5 innings, while Jim McWilliams took the win in the late innings allowing no hits the rest of the way. Joey and Jim make it a point to sit together in the dugout and talk about different grips. Jim is usually demonstrating pitches, while Joey is discussing xnxx releases.
That's not to say the Brewers starter didn't pitch a gem, because he did. I just wasn't paying attention to who it was...sorry.
The Nats' own Damian Muniz is the only player on either team to get 2 hits. When the team was having victory cigars after the game, Damian also had 2 hits, then doubled over coughing. He's more of a sunset paint-by-numbers guy, rather than a cigar-puffing chest-thumping type.
Both teams played fine defense, but the standout glovist was Ian McWilliams who was perfect in 8 chances - with 2 noteworthy plays. After the first Brewer batter put a pop-up just out of Jim's reach for a single, Ian evened the score with a magnificent dive up the middle to snag a line drive, then throw to first to double-up the leadoff hitter. Later he made a lunging backhand catch to rob the leadoff hitter again. Ian said "that's right, I like to take care of business. Now if you'll excuse me, I need to order supplies, clean the house, take a dump, then kiss my girlfriend goodnight...for a LONG time. Yeah, takin' care of business!"
The Big Bat for the Brew Crew was Evin Morin. Evin blasted a triple to RF in the 4th inning. He's quick and it was far enough, it might have been a home run, except the Nationals have the fastest right fielder in the league. Brewer teammate Tommy Ciccone said "Evin would have had a better chance of scoring had he not advanced from second to third doing cartwheels and backflips." "He's getting the tough-love treatment tonight."
The Nationals have been short a lot lately, and we've had some players fill in. Some, very consistently...thanks Eric. Its also great to have Otis come out. Otis was drafted by the Nats, and has his own jersey, but had not played until the last two games...and he rocked it. Eric and Otis each scored twice. Extraordinary effort by each. Eric with a pair of stolen bases and Otis with a triple, and a "mess wit u" approach to being on third base. They also rocked it at the karaoke bar on Plymouth Road after the game doing a rendition of "I Got You Babe" together.
Nationals Schedule